Friday, October 25, 2013

II Samuel Part II: Just a Few Questions

Looks ARE Deceiving

When David takes over as the king the first few impressions are that things are really starting to turn around, right? Perhaps David can really turn things around as far as the relationship between God and the people of Israel are concerned. Not only is David pleasing in the sight of the LORD, but it also appears that in anything that he does he is triumphant. This is a very good indicator of an immense improvement in the disposition of the people of Israel.

How real and lasting is this positive change? How long will it be before somebody screws up and the LORD/God YANKS the rug out from under the entire congregation of His people? For the moment everything for the people of Israel not only looks great, but also sounds great! And this IS a good thing considering the Valley of Death existence the people of Israel have endured for so long, right?

Too bad the people of Israel back then didn't know what we know now when it comes to things that sound really, REALLY great: If it sounds too good to be probably is.

And now...on to the continuing questions for II Samuel.

1. II Samuel 7:25
25 "And now, O LORD God, I am your servant; do as you have promised concerning me and my family. Confirm it as a promise that will last forever.

     1) The sad part here is that David does not seem to realize that there is no way that he will ever receive confirmation of God's promises...UNLESS he, too, sticks around forever like God to witness everything that ever happens in all of recorded history AFTER God has made all of these promises, right?

2. II Samuel 8:2
2 David also conquered the land of Moab. He made the people lie down on the ground in a row, and he measured them off in groups with a length of rope. He measured off two groups to be executed for every one group to be spared. The Moabites who were spared became David's subjects and paid him tribute money.

     1) Saving a few and then killing a bunch? Measuring people in groups lying down on the ground, then murdering two groups for every one group spared? This is SO FUCKING SICK. I read this verse and you know what it immediately reminded me of? Have you ever seen the WWII footage of deep, long trenches that had been dug by the Nazis, filled with the bodies of men, women, and children...babies even? You ever see the footage of the people lined up close to the body pits so that when the Nazi soldier came down the line shooting the people in their heads the bodies would simply fall into the pit?

3. II Samuel 8:6
Then David put garrisons in Aram of Damascus, and the Syrians became servants to David and brought tribute. And the LORD gave victory to David wherever he went.

     1) Is it not so much that the LORD gave victory to David as it is that the LORD took the lives of those the people of Israel waged war with?

4. II Samuel 8:10-11
10 Toi sent his son Joram to King David, to ask about his health and to bless him because he had fought against Hadadezer and defeated him, for Hadadezer had often been at war with Toi. And Joram brought with him articles of silver, of gold, and of bronze.

11 These also King David dedicated to the LORD, together with the silver and gold that he dedicated from all the nations he subdued,

     1) Why does David dedicate the precious metals to the LORD? What the hell is the LORD going to do with gold and silver and bronze?

     2) Does a perfect God need anything? If a perfect God does not by nature need anything wouldn't it follow that He would not want to ask or receive anything since asking for something He does not need and accepting something He does not need is gluttony?

5. II Samuel 8:13
13 So David became even more famous when he returned from destroying 18,000 Edomites in the Valley of Salt.


     1) Famous for destruction? Is this how people who worship God behave...celebrating destruction?

     2) Is this why the supporters of the assholes who flew planes full of people into big buildings full of even more people were jumping with joy? Did it make them feel famous? Is this something the One they worship encourages?

     3) Remember the tsunami that hit Japan not all that long ago? This verse reminds me of members of the demented denominations of various pockets of Christianity that posted videos on YouTube that were THANKING God for the mass destruction. Don't believe me? Listen and look at this:

6. II Samuel 11:2-5
2 It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful.

3 He sent someone to find out who she was, and he was told, "She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite."

4 Then David sent messengers to get her; and when she came to the palace, he slept with her. She had just completed the purification rites after having her menstrual period. Then she returned home.

5 And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.”

     1) Sooo...David has taken and had sex with the wife of another man? Is the LORD going to punish the entire congregation of His people for David's error?

     2) Would Bathsheba have gotten into trouble if she told David 'no'?

     3) Stepping lightly here, uhmmm...did the folks in Bible times NOT practice various methods for NOT becoming pregnant? Remember the story of Onan getting into trouble with the LORD for spilling his seed on the ground? Does this mean the LORD had a rule that that could not be done, that the man must release his seed inside of the woman?

     4) Wouldn't David know what would happen if he did NOT pull an Onan?

     5) Did David simply not care because he was the king?

7. II Samuel 11:13-17
13 Then David invited him to dinner and got him drunk. But even then he couldn't get Uriah to go home to his wife. Again he slept at the palace entrance with the king's palace guard.

14 In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by the hand of Uriah.

15 In the letter he wrote, “Set Uriah in the forefront of the hardest fighting, and then draw back from him, that he may be struck down, and die.”

16 So Joab assigned Uriah to a spot close to the city wall where he knew the enemy's strongest men were fighting.

17 And the men of the city came out and fought with Joab, and some of the servants of David among the people fell. Uriah the Hittite also died.

     1) This is just a terribly sad story, right? A man goes out to fight a war and the king of the land who has more than ANYONE goes and takes what is likely the most valuable, cherished person that the man possesses? A man of GOD did this?

     2) But in reality, isn't David emulating the LORD/God Who regularly takes everything of value from anyone He wants whenever He sees fit to do so?

8. II Samuel 11:27
27 When the period of mourning was over, David sent for her and brought her to the palace, and she became one of his wives. Then she gave birth to a son. But the LORD was displeased with what David had done.

     1) Displeased? Displeased? David rooks a man out of his wife AND his life and the LORD is displeased? What about the guy that tried to steady the ark when he thought it would fall and the LORD burst out in anger and KILLED him? For trying to steady the ark? But...the LORD is only displeased when David commits adultery, covets another man's wife, and commits murder? Is the LORD disgustingly imbalanced or what?

9. II Samuel 12:9-12
Why, then, have you despised the word of the LORD and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife.

10 Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’

11 This is what the LORD says: Because of what you have done, I will cause your own household to rebel against you. I will give your wives to another man before your very eyes, and he will go to bed with them in public view.

12 You did it secretly, but I will make this happen to you openly in the sight of all Israel."

     1) This is what David and Bathsheba did but the LORD is going to make the ENTIRE family of David pay the price of the bad deed done?

     2) THe LORD is going to allow the wives of David to be taken before his very eyes? What the fuck for? David's wives didn't do a damn thing! Sooo...because of something David did his wives are going to be taken against their will? Isn't this RAPE? Because of what David did these women who are his wives will be raped?

10. II Samuel 12:13
13 Then David confessed to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "Yes, but the LORD has forgiven you, and you won't die for this sin.

     1) Ahhh. Sooo...the LORD has forgiven David so that he will not die for His sin, BUT, those closest to David will be the ones to pay the price, right? Lovely.

11. II Samuel 12:14
14 Nevertheless, because you have shown utter contempt for the LORD by doing this, your child will die."

     1) Because you have shown contempt for the LORD...I am going to kill your child? REALLY? Why does the LORD insist on making the innocent pay for the deeds of the guilty? This is total bullshit, right?

     2) What would you think if a judge in a modern day court in America found a man guilty of murder, and as punishment commanded the man's son be put to death? What would you think? THAT would be wrong, wouldn't it? Why isn't it wrong for God? Because God is supposed to be perfect, so even when He is wrong He is still right?

12. II Samuel 12:15
15 After Nathan returned to his home, the LORD sent a deadly illness to the child of David and Uriah's wife.

     1) Awww! Does the LORD/God have a soft spot for purposely suffering the little children unto Himself? What a sweetheart.

13. II Samuel 12:22
22 David replied, "I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, 'Perhaps the LORD will be gracious to me and let the child live.'

     1) Isn't this just another limit to stupidity set by yet another person in the Bible? Letting the child live would be gracious to David? No it wouldn't. Letting the child live would be gracious to the child, right? Injuring one person as punishment to another? How fucking stupid is that? And people wonder what is wrong with religion?

14. II Samuel 12:24
24 Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and David named him Solomon. The LORD loved the child

     1) Sooo...the LORD loved this child but not the other child that He killed by sending it an illness while it was yet still a brand new infant?

15. II Samuel 12:30
30 David removed the crown from the king's head, and it was placed on his own head. The crown was made of gold and set with gems, and it weighed seventy-five pounds. David took a vast amount of plunder from the city.

     1) A crown that weighs SEVENTY-FIVE POUNDS? David actually put this crown on his head?

     2) What is the heaviest crown in the world today? What is the heaviest crown in recorded history and can it be verified?

     3) How much weight can the human head and neck support for a man of average, medium, or above average height and weight and build?

16. II Samuel 13:11-13
11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.”

12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing.

13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.”

14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.

     1) You know what? The Bible seems really really preoccupied with incest in the Old Testament, right? Why is that?

     2) Sooo...first the sister says something along the lines of no, such a thing is not done in Israel, right? Whew! So the LORD DOESN'T approve of brothers and sisters sleeping together, correct?

     3) Then the sister says something along the lines of tell the king for he will not withhold me from you...and you kinda go WHAT? Sooo...the LORD DOES approve of incest? Isn't that lovely?

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