Wednesday, October 23, 2013

I Samuel Part IV: Just a Few Questions

King Me!

Here we will continue to question the plays in the divine gag reel of what happened to God's people when they asked for a king to rule them. I hope you are enjoying your foray into the many questions birthed by the books of the Holy Bible. On its face some of this stuff is dreadfully boring, and I do mean boring. I mean, seriously, who wants to read a bunch of so-and-so begat such-and-such begat who-and-who, right? But if you can manage to wade through the Bible's Bog of the Uninteresting you just may find that there is some pretty interesting stuff to consider. I hope you really do consider, deeply ponder at least the more substantive questions. Try really hard to think through this supposedly spiritual, even MORE supposedly truth-filled behemoth so many choose to label as faith.

Your belief and your decisions of what you choose to spend that most valuable belief of yours on will always have consequences...even if you are convinced to the fullest that what you are believing in really IS good for you. Your Rock of Gibraltar blind trust in God and the Bible do absolutely nothing to curb, delay, interfere with, diminish, degrade, decay, distort, disavow, deconstruct, or deflate what truth is on ANY level. 

Here in Part IV we will be discussing continuing questions from I Samuel in the Bible. Now, if you would take a gander at the posts for this particular blog you will notice I have a good amount of questions already posted. You will also notice that with the exception of one comment ALL comments have been submitted by...MYSELF. Not one person who is a believer has said jack shit about any one question, let alone many. That is unfortunate and disgraceful.

Good gracious, people...where the hell are you if you believe in God and the truth of the Bible? Don't worry about what my answers might be. I was raised in quite the religious family and now I am a recovering Christian. I am very familiar with the answers believers usually give for many of these questions I have. 

What I want to know is why, WHY do you believe these answers that you have been taught/given. Help me to understand WHY you believe. What is it exactly, PRECISELY, that I missed entirely or just misinterpreted? Why does so very much in the Bible stand witness as to what can only be described as the fairy tale, completely unbelievable, pathologically maniacal, often times immoral and undeniably cruel behavior of a supposedly great and eternally loving God?

Many of my questions carry real, true merit. Reciprocate with answers that contain real, true merit. Don't give me the stupid excuse of, "Well, she doesn't believe anyways so what is the point of answering? I am wasting my time; I will simply pray for her and maybe God will have mercy enough to slow the elevator that He put her in as He sends her straight to hell." 

If that really is what you believe then type that in on the comment link, but keep in mind that type of response is the epitome of Christian laziness (spiritually and mentally), the common trademark of those who love telling others how to live and love and worship, but at the same time detest their own beliefs being challenged. Defend what you believe and make sense doing it. Leave an answer to as many questions as possible. 

If I can articulate why I no longer believe in God or the Bible surely there are Christians who can do the same on the opposite end of the table as they explain why they believe God created everything, why they believe that from two people more than the present-day 5.5 BILLION population of man on this planet , plus all of the people who EVER lived, came to be, why they believe in a mega flood that covered the highest mountain peak (that would be Mount Everest at about 29,000 feet), why they believe a donkey actually talked, why they believe a snake spoke to Eve, why they believe a prophet never died but rather was taken up into heaven in a chariot of fire, and a whole bunch of other whys.

I am a true atheist. How do you know this? I am asking questions even though the questions are many times considered threatening, are not what many people want to hear, much less discuss/provide answers to. A true Christian would answer the questions. A true Christian would NEVER view providing answers as a waste of time and would never worry about being scoffed at or made fun of. You don't really think Christians are the only ones scoffed, do you? I have heard plenty in regards to my atheism. So, suck it up and leave some answers. Remember, I am not here to get you to renounce your faith. I am here to tell you the questions I have in regards to why I do not believe. You tell me why you DO believe.

1. I Samuel 13:19-22
19 Now there was no blacksmith to be found throughout all the land of Israel, for the Philistines said, “Lest the Hebrews make themselves swords or spears.”

20 But every one of the Israelites went down to the Philistines to sharpen his plowshare, his mattock, his axe, or his sickle,

21 and the charge was two-thirds of a shekel for the plowshares and for the mattocks, and a third of a shekel for sharpening the axes and for setting the goads.

22 So on the day of the battle there was neither sword nor spear found in the hand of any of the people with Saul and Jonathan, but Saul and Jonathan his son had them.


     1) Okay...uhmmm...are these verses saying that the Israelite army went to war WITHOUT weapons such as swords and spears? Was this for the entire four decade-plus reign of Saul?

     2) I am curious about something here. It says in verse nineteen that no blacksmith could be found throughout the land of Israel, but when did this first happen? Does this mean that throughout the ENTIRE body of Israel...all twelve tribes...there was NOT to be found a single blacksmith?

     3) How in the world have the people of Israel been fighting battles here and there without swords and spears? Oh, wait...there are loads of verses that quite literally speak of the Israelite soldiers using swords. Sooo...what's the rub, Bub?

     4) Are you telling me that a fighting force assembles, numbering at least a couple thou, and only the king and his son have weapons? Do you have any idea how utterly retarded that sounds?

     5) Sooo...the people of Israel, no matter where they were within all of Israel, traveled all the way to the Philistines to sharpen their plows and harvesting materials and tools?

     6) How can anyone read this and not get pissed off with God/the LORD? This asshole deity goes out of His way to create as much trouble as possible for His supposed chosen people...but all the while claims to love them and bless them and stick up for them? The freaking soldiers are assembling for war without fucking weapons! Come on, man! Is this God's seriously screwy idea of testing trust and faith in God? If that is the case you have to admit that when God tests the faith of the chosen people He ALWAYS does something terrible to them or tells them to do something terrible, doesn't He?

     7) Is this part of God's plan to dazzle man with His mighty power? Send man into war without shit, then pull off some screwy feat of victory so God can claim He saved everyone and so they should all worship Him?

2. I Samuel 14:8-10

Then Jonathan said, “Behold, we will cross over to the men, and we will show ourselves to them.

If they say to us, ‘Wait until we come to you,’ then we will stand still in our place, and we will not go up to them.

10 But if they say, ‘Come up to us,’ then we will go up, for the LORD has given them into our hand. And this shall be the sign to us.”


     1) Why didn't these bozos simply ask the LORD a 'yes' or 'no' question as to what they should do?

3. I Samuel 14:13-14

13 Then Jonathan climbed up on his hands and feet, and his armor-bearer after him. And they fell before Jonathan, and his armor-bearer killed them after him.

14 And that first strike, which Jonathan and his armor-bearer made, killed about twenty men within as it were half a furrow’s length in an acre of land.


     1) Sooo...when the verse says that the men fell before Jonathan and then the armor-bearer killed them, does this mean Jonathan was wounding them to where they could not stand, and then the armor-bearer would finish them off? Who was using the sword and who was using the spear, because between the two of them there was precisely only two weapons, right? Was the armor-bearer using the shield as a weapon?

     2) part of the point of this ridiculously absurd story to impress people into believing in God since, with the Israeli army possessing zero weapons, just look at how the Philistines were dropping like flies, and but MY isn't that LORD God of Israel just the nicest fellow for rescuing His people from danger? Oh, and when you think about the answer to that pay no mind to the fact that God staged the entire fiasco in order to make Himself look stronger and better than all other gods?

4. I Samuel 14:15

15 And there was a panic in the camp, in the field, and among all the people. The garrison and even the raiders trembled, the earth quaked, and it became a very great panic.


     1) Panic in the camp? Panic in the field? Panic among the people? A big quake followed by even greater panic? No worries, right? I mean, this shouldn't surprise anyone is nothing new when it comes to God's consistent modus operandi Never mind looking up into the sky for a bird or plane or Superman to rescue the people. 

5. I Samuel 14:20-23

20 Then Saul and all his men assembled and went to the battle. They found the Philistines in total confusion, striking each other with their swords.

21 Now the Hebrews who had been with the Philistines before that time and who had gone up with them into the camp, even they also turned to be with the Israelites who were with Saul and Jonathan.

22 Likewise, when all the men of Israel who had hidden themselves in the hill country of Ephraim heard that the Philistines were fleeing, they too followed hard after them in the battle.

23 So the LORD saved Israel that day. And the battle passed beyond Beth-aven.

     1) Where in the hell did all of the weapons come from? Not a handful of verses back it was noted that they possessed no weapons, so what is this horseshit?

6. I Samuel 14:24-26

24 And the men of Israel had been hard pressed that day, so Saul had laid an oath on the people, saying, “Cursed be the man who eats food until it is evening and I am avenged on my enemies.” So none of the people had tasted food.

25 Now when all the people came to the forest, behold, there was honey on the ground.

26 And when the people entered the forest, behold, the honey was dropping, but no one put his hand to his mouth, for the people feared the oath.

     1) Sooo...never mind that the soldiers have no weapons because they don't have food either? Is that the power and will of God fighting for His people?

     2) Why is there honey on the ground? Wasps and bumble bees DO build nests in the ground sometimes, but not honey bees. the honey on the ground because it fell out of a tree?

7. I Samuel 14:29-30

29 Then Jonathan said, “My father has troubled the land. See how my eyes have become bright because I tasted a little of this honey.

30 How much better if the people had eaten freely today of the spoil of their enemies that they found. For now the defeat among the Philistines has not been great.”

     1) Do you think that some people become so disillusioned by their faith in God that they are willing and often follow through with practices and habits that are not good for their bodies? Is this what God encourages? Starve your body?

8. I Samuel 14:31-34

31 They struck down the Philistines that day from Michmash to Aijalon. And the people were very faint.

32 The people pounced on the spoil and took sheep and oxen and calves and slaughtered them on the ground. And the people ate them with the blood.

33 Then they told Saul, “Behold, the people are sinning against the LORD by eating with the blood.” And he said, “You have dealt treacherously; roll a great stone to me here.”

34 And Saul said, “Disperse yourselves among the people and say to them, ‘Let every man bring his ox or his sheep and slaughter them here and eat, and do not sin against the LORD by eating with the blood.’” So every one of the people brought his ox with him that night and they slaughtered them there.

     1) Is this the only time up to this point in the Bible that God allows His chosen people to starve...on purpose?

     2) The LORD doesn't have any justification for a vast majority of what He does, so in reality WHO is really the treacherous one?

9. I Samuel 14:38-39

38 And Saul said, “Come here, all you leaders of the people, and know and see how this sin has arisen today.

39 For as the LORD lives who saves Israel, though it be in Jonathan my son, he shall surely die.” But there was not a man among all the people who answered him.

     1) When has the LORD saved the people of Israel from anything other than the bullshit situations that their loving God decides to put them through? This is not salvation. If it isn't salvation...then what is it? 

10. I Samuel 14:41-43

41 Then Saul prayed, "O LORD, God of Israel, please show us who is guilty and who is innocent." Then they cast sacred lots, and Jonathan and Saul were chosen as the guilty ones, and the people were declared innocent.

42 Then Saul said, “Cast the lot between me and my son Jonathan.” And Jonathan was taken.

43 Then Saul said to Jonathan, “Tell me what you have done.” And Jonathan told him, “I tasted a little honey with the tip of the staff that was in my hand. Here I am; I will die.”

     1) Isn't this just about the fucking limit of stupidity?

     2) I still want to know why there was freaking honey on the ground, don't you? Was this normal? 

11. I Samuel 14:44-45

44 And Saul said, “God do so to me and more also; you shall surely die, Jonathan.”

45 Then the people said to Saul, “Shall Jonathan die, who has worked this great salvation in Israel? Far from it! As the LORD lives, there shall not one hair of his head fall to the ground, for he has worked with God this day.” So the people ransomed Jonathan, so that he did not die.

     1) Why does it seem like God loves putting people in positions where it is possible they may be asked or commanded to kill their own children? Lovely.

12. I Samuel 14:47-48

47 When Saul had taken the kingship over Israel, he fought against all his enemies on every side, against Moab, against the Ammonites, against Edom, against the kings of Zobah, and against the Philistines. Wherever he turned he routed them.

48 And he did valiantly and struck the Amalekites and delivered Israel out of the hands of those who plundered them.

     1) Sooo...apparently modern-day Israel is not the only evidence of God putting His supposed chosen people smack-dab in the middle of oodles of enemies if you go by these verses, right?

     2) Why does God encourage thievery (the plundering)? What the fuck happened to thou shalt not steal and thou shalt not covet and thou shalt not kill?

     3) Do God's rules only apply when He wants them to?

13. I Samuel 15:3
Now go and strike Amalek and devote to destruction all that they have. Do not spare them, but kill both man and woman, child and infant, ox and sheep, camel and donkey.’”

     1) Well, isn't your God impressive? He is so strong and loving and holy and wholesome and perfect and fair that He kills children and infants?

     2) Sooo...did the LORD order the destruction of all the animals because the animals were co-conspirators, because the animals threatened anyone, or even because God was making an honest effort the hasten the extinction of whatever animals were in the area?

     3) Is God guilty of animal cruelty?

14. I Samuel 15:4-5

So Saul summoned the people and numbered them in Telaim, two hundred thousand men on foot, and ten thousand men of Judah.

And Saul came to the city of Amalek and lay in wait in the valley.

     1) Two hundred thousand men laying in wait? Do you really think that such a large force of people would not have been discovered by those they plotted against? Large armies make lots of noise, consume lots of food, and create loads of trash, right? Wouldn't all of these have been great clues as to what was about to happen?

     2) Wouldn't a smaller force of men have produced far less noise and waste? Wouldn't a smaller force of men be easier to hide?

     3) Was the number of soldiers severely over-exaggerated by the author of I Samuel in an effort to impress people with the supposed mega mighty power of God in that He led this great army, yada yada, plucka plucka?

15. I Samuel 15:8-11

And he took Agag the king of the Amalekites alive and devoted to destruction all the people with the edge of the sword.

But Saul and the people spared Agag and the best of the sheep and of the oxen and of the fattened calves and the lambs, and all that was good, and would not utterly destroy them. All that was despised and worthless they devoted to destruction.

10 The word of the LORD came to Samuel:

11 “I regret that I have made Saul king, for he has turned back from following me and has not performed my commandments.” And Samuel was angry, and he cried to the LORD all night.

     1) God just loves to destroy shit, doesn't He? And when He does not get His way, if an animal isn't sacrificed, if someone doesn't stone their kid, if one brother is not rooking the other out of his inheritance God becomes pissed off since there is that much less suffering in the world, right?

     2) Do you think that the only true regret that God holds in regards to Saul is God's apparent lack of ability to completely control Saul's mind?

16. I Samuel 15:12, 17-19

12 And Samuel rose early to meet Saul in the morning. And it was told Samuel, “Saul came to Carmel, and behold, he set up a monument for himself and turned and passed on and went down to Gilgal.”

17 And Samuel said, “Though you are little in your own eyes, are you not the head of the tribes of Israel? The LORD anointed you king over Israel.

18 And the LORD sent you on a mission and said, ‘Go, devote to destruction the sinners, the Amalekites, and fight against them until they are consumed.’

19 Why then did you not obey the voice of the LORD? Why did you pounce on the spoil and do what was evil in the sight of the LORD?”

     1) I think it is rather smarmy to mention that Saul builds a monument to himself when it is God who is well-known for His over-indulgence, right? I mean, look at the Crystal Cathedral, right?

     2) God does not like it one bit when anyone other than Himself gets credit for anything, does He?

17. I Samuel 15:22

22 And Samuel said, “Has the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to listen than the fat of rams.


     1) Sooo...the LORD takes great delight in watching the killing of animals followed by viewing the burning of the bodies of the now dead animals?

     2) That line about obeying and sacrifice is a hoot, right? I mean, a good portion of the time God's people are making sacrifices in an effort to obey God's command to kill animals on altars and burn the remains, right?

     3) the hell does this work out? How is obeying better than sacrifice when the command is to sacrifice? Isn't God playing word games here?

18. I Samuel 15:26-29

26 And Samuel said to Saul, “I will not return with you. For you have rejected the word of the LORD, and the LORD has rejected you from being king over Israel.”

27 As Samuel turned to go away, Saul seized the skirt of his robe, and it tore.

28 And Samuel said to him, “The LORD has torn the kingdom of Israel from you this day and has given it to a neighbor of yours, who is better than you.

29 And also the Glory of Israel will not lie or have regret, for he is not a man, that he should have regret.”


     1) the LORD rejecting Saul as king isn't He simultaneously acknowledging that He made a mistake in judgment?

     2) Don't you find it interesting that God tells His own people that there are those who are better than they are? person really can be better than another person? If that is the case why does the New Testament say that all men fall short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23)?

19. I Samuel 15:35

35 And Samuel did not see Saul again until the day of his death, but Samuel grieved over Saul. And the LORD regretted that he had made Saul king over Israel.


     1) Can a perfect God remain perfect while expressing regret?

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