Monday, October 28, 2013

I Kings Part II: Just a Few Questions

It Gets Better for a While...and then Tanks

It seems as though the people of Israel in the Bible just cannot seem to secure a lasting break, can they? If it isn't an enemy declaring war and hauling away the ark and the women and the children, it is God/the LORD going on another one of His bipolar rants where He starves the people with great famines or kills them off with plagues. Nice. 

Sooo...we are now finished with the reign of King David and have entered into the glorious reign of King Solomon, David's son by Uriah's wife, Bathsheba. Do not make the mistake of forgetting Uriah. I say it like that because I get sick and tired of people whooping and singing the praises of King David who fathered King Solomon with the woman who used to be the wife of the man King David murdered. Remember that when you pray, okay? REMEMBER THAT. So many believers go on and on about this lion of the tribe of Judah, conveniently forgetting about the murder committed in the process of establishing this so-called regal line that Jesus is supposed to be a part of.

Anyways, let us now move onto the continuing questions for the book of I Kings in the Bible.

1. I Kings 4:1-2, 6
King Solomon was king over all Israel,

and these were his high officials: Azariah the son of Zadok was the priest;

Ahishar was in charge of the palace; and Adoniram the son of Abda was in charge of the forced labor.

     1) Well, what do we have here but a bit of a biblical SNAFU, right? Sooo...the LORD/God did NOT want HIS own people in forced labor back in Egypt...but I guess it is okay for the LORD's people to subject others to forced labor? How does this work? Is it one of those Do as I Say, Not as I Do things?

2. I Kings 4:20
20 Judah and Israel were as numerous as the sand that is on the seashore in abundance; they were eating and drinking and rejoicing.


     1) As numerous as the sand on the seashore? Haven't we already gone over this? It is impossible for the people of the LORD/God to have numbered as the sand on the seashore, right? I mean, just in case you were not aware of such a thing there are about 8,000,000,000 grains of sand in a cubic meter. Yeah. That is a shitload of sand in a relatively small measurement of space. 

     2) Of course, the type of sand will vary and that does change a few things, right? HOWEVER, even if an individual argued that such was not the actual number of sand on their seashore due to some cover-your-ass bullshit they would still be SOL, correct? Why? 

God also promised that the people of Israel would number as the stars in the heavens. You DO remember that, right? Do you think that the All-Knowing perfect God/the LORD forgot that the number of the stars in the heavens is far greater than that of the number of grains on the entire earth?

     3) Sooo...when it comes down to it any excuse given by anyone for the purpose of decreasing the grains of sand on the seashore to make this ridiculous verse even remotely plausible, it is a total waste of time, right? 

Tell you what, for the sake of argument let us assume that the seashore mentioned in this verse was a very special shore that had much smaller numbers of grains of sand, okay? In fact, let us throw out the number...uhmmm...say about five million. Furthermore, let us say that the believer could prove this, that there were five million grains of sand on this particular shore as well as the same number of people. They are still up the poo-poo creek without a biblical paddle since God also said that His people would number as the stars. And THAT is clearly impossible, isn't it?

     4) Eating and drinking and rejoicing? What this verse doesn't say (but should) is that they are eating and drinking (finally), but simply do not know when God might rip the nutritional rug right out from under their feet, right? you think it is possible that in an effort to improve their situation, and to butter-up God so that He would maintain the food supply for as long as possible, the people agreed amongst themselves to look and sound happy, deciding to rejoice?

     5) Abundance is an interesting term used in this verse, especially when you consider the ONLY thing/item that has persisted in abundance up to this point in the Bible is God's wrath, right?

3. I Kings 4:29-34
29 And God gave Solomon wisdom and understanding beyond measure, and breadth of mind like the sand on the seashore,

30 so that Solomon’s wisdom surpassed the wisdom of all the people of the east and all the wisdom of Egypt.

31 For he was wiser than all other men, wiser than Ethan the Ezrahite, and Heman, Calcol, and Darda, the sons of Mahol, and his fame was in all the surrounding nations.

32 He also spoke 3,000 proverbs, and his songs were 1,005.

33 He spoke of trees, from the cedar that is in Lebanon to the hyssop that grows out of the wall. He spoke also of beasts, and of birds, and of reptiles, and of fish.

34 And people of all nations came to hear the wisdom of Solomon, and from all the kings of the earth, who had heard of his wisdom.


     1) If Solomon really had wisdom and understanding beyond measure he wouldn't have ticked God off by eventually going to worship other gods, right? And would he have approached the situation of the women fighting over the baby in the manner that he did had he so grand a knowledge and understanding? Wouldn't he have known that violence does dick to solve problems in the long run? I mean, cut the baby in half? Come on, man.

     2) Breadth of mind like the sand on the seashore? The sand on the seashore might have breadth, but it certainly has no mind, correct? If the reference is intended to infer a great ability to remember and know many things this can be said of just about anyone. With our brains, provided there is not something wrong with a person, we can think and know and remember an amazing amount of information. This is not unusual. Is it possible that this reference was intended to mean that God/the LORD simply opened Solomon's mind to many things the people of the time were simply not open to?

     3) The people of ALL nations came to hear the wisdom of Solomon? This must be taken in context, right? It really means just the people and nations in that area of the then known world, correct?

4. I Kings 5:2-4
And Solomon sent word to Hiram,

“You know that David my father could not build a house for the name of the LORD his God because of the warfare with which his enemies surrounded him, until the LORD put them under the soles of his feet.

But now the LORD my God has given me rest on every side. There is neither adversary nor misfortune.


     1) When did the LORD/God put the enemies of the people of Israel under their feet? From what we have read so far in the Bible there is plenty of fighting, and yes God's people do win some battles or have tentative peace for a spell, but it is never long lasting and the enemies ALWAYS come back, right?

     2) Rest on every side? No adversaries or misfortune? Hummm...Solomon uses forced labor on a massive scale and there is rest? Wouldn't forced labor be misfortune? No adversaries is another one that never panned out. Look at Israel today. REAL good job there with the rest and the lack of adversaries and misfortune, right?

5. I Kings 5:7
As soon as Hiram heard the words of Solomon, he rejoiced greatly and said, “Blessed be the LORD this day, who has given to David a wise son to be over this great people.”


     1) Do you know why Hiram was so full of praise? Solomon just provided Hiram with a mega request for supplies to build the LORD's temple and Hiram was going to make a mint, right?

6. I Kings 5:13-18
13 King Solomon drafted forced labor out of all Israel, and the draft numbered 30,000 men.

14 And he sent them to Lebanon, 10,000 a month in shifts. They would be a month in Lebanon and two months at home. Adoniram was in charge of the draft.

15 Solomon also had 70,000 burden-bearers and 80,000 stonecutters in the hill country,

16 besides Solomon’s 3,300 chief officers who were over the work, who had charge of the people who carried on the work.

17 At the king’s command they quarried out great, costly stones in order to lay the foundation of the house with dressed stones.

18 So Solomon’s builders and Hiram’s builders and the men of Gebal did the cutting and prepared the timber and the stone to build the house.


     1) How do you think those who were rescued from the forced labor of Pharaoh would react to their descendants being right back in the same damn position, but this time at the hands of their very own people? Is this God's twisted idea of a joke?

7. I Kings 6:1
In the four hundred and eightieth year after the people of Israel came out of the land of Egypt, in the fourth year of Solomon’s reign over Israel, in the month of Ziv, which is the second month, he began to build the house of the LORD.


     1) Do you think a more appropriate wording of this verse would be, "In the four hundred and eightieth year after the people of Israel came out of the land of Egypt they were right back where they started," with the exception that this time the abusers were their own people?

8. I Kings 6:11-13
11 Now the word of the LORD came to Solomon,

12 Concerning this house that you are building, if you will walk in my statutes and obey my rules and keep all my commandments and walk in them, then I will establish my word with you, which I spoke to David your father.

13 And I will dwell among the children of Israel and will not forsake my people Israel.”


     1) Since when does a God Who is everywhere need a house? Isn't part of what a house does is to contain its inhabitant? Can God/the LORD be contained? If God is everywhere all the time and in everything, of everything, for everything, and to everything...uhmmm, wouldn't it be God Who is the container with everything else being IN God?

     2) Sooo...God says if you walk in my statutes while the whole time He holds that all men sin? God KNOWS it is impossible for His people to obey His rules and keep His commandments, so what is His motivation for making covenants with these people who will never be able to hold up their end of the bargain? You know, it gets even worse once you consider that the people don't ever seem to realize they will never cut the mustard, or be able to hold up their end of the bargain enough to force God to hold up HIS end of the bargain, right? Scary. Twisted and scary.

     3) Sooo...if someone today called up God/the LORD and said, "Hey, You never held up your end of the deal. We don't have the land You promised, You aren't living among Your people, and considering WWII You definitely forsook us," do you think God/the LORD would respond that His people did not refrain from sin and totally and completely keep His commandments?

9. I Kings 6:19-22, 28, 30, 32, 35
19 The inner sanctuary he prepared in the innermost part of the house, to set there the ark of the covenant of the LORD.

20 The inner sanctuary was twenty cubits long, twenty cubits wide, and twenty cubits high, and he overlaid it with pure gold. He also overlaid an altar of cedar.

21 And Solomon overlaid the inside of the house with pure gold, and he drew chains of gold across, in front of the inner sanctuary, and overlaid it with gold.

22 And he overlaid the whole house with gold, until all the house was finished. Also the whole altar that belonged to the inner sanctuary he overlaid with gold.

28 And he overlaid the cherubim with gold.

30 The floor of the house he overlaid with gold in the inner and outer rooms.

32 He covered the two doors of olivewood with carvings of cherubim, palm trees, and open flowers. He overlaid them with gold and spread gold on the cherubim and on the palm trees.

35 On them he carved cherubim and palm trees and open flowers, and he overlaid them with gold evenly applied on the carved work.


     1) God/the LORD seems to have quite the affinity for gold, doesn't He? Why is this? Why would God need so much gold in the area assigned to be where He lives amongst His people?

     2) What would God/the LORD use the gold for? I have heard a very few people comment that the gold was for the people to show their love and admiration for God/the LORD. God was precious and so precious metals were used. Really? If man is the most important being to God why even bother with the gold?

10. I Kings 7:46-47
46 In the plain of the Jordan the king cast them, in the clay ground between Succoth and Zarethan.

47 And Solomon left all the vessels unweighed, because there were so many of them; the weight of the bronze was not ascertained.


     1) Sooo...a God Who is so precise that there were specific measurements as to how much manna was to be collected by the people of Israel when they meandered about the desert for forty years, a God Who is SO precise that He knows how many hairs you have on your head, a God Who is so precise that He knows exactly how much water covered the highest mountain peak during the Flood...this same God just doesn't bother with the weight of the bronze used in vessels that will be used in the rituals worshiping Him?

11. I Kings 7:48-51
48 So Solomon made all the vessels that were in the house of the LORD: the golden altar, the golden table for the bread of the Presence,

49 the lampstands of pure gold, five on the south side and five on the north, before the inner sanctuary; the flowers, the lamps, and the tongs, of gold;

50 the cups, snuffers, basins, dishes for incense, and fire pans, of pure gold; and the sockets of gold, for the doors of the innermost part of the house, the Most Holy Place, and for the doors of the nave of the temple.

51 Thus all the work that King Solomon did on the house of the LORD was finished. And Solomon brought in the things that David his father had dedicated, the silver, the gold, and the vessels, and stored them in the treasuries of the house of the LORD.


     1) WHY does God need a treasury? Is the reason why God says in the Bible to not store up for yourself treasures on earth because God wants all the treasure for Himself?

12. I Kings 8:4-5
And they brought up the ark of the LORD, the tent of meeting, and all the holy vessels that were in the tent; the priests and the Levites brought them up.

And King Solomon and all the congregation of Israel, who had assembled before him, were with him before the ark, sacrificing so many sheep and oxen that they could not be counted or numbered.


     1) How in the world do you kill so many oxen and sheep at one point in time that you cannot even count/record their number?

     2) Are people reading the Bible supposed to be impressed by the sheer magnitude of the animals killed?

     3) How does God equate people killing animals and burning their carcasses with a show of affection?

13. I Kings 8:10-13
10 And when the priests came out of the Holy Place, a cloud filled the house of the LORD,

11 so that the priests could not stand to minister because of the cloud, for the glory of the LORD filled the house of the LORD.

12 Then Solomon said, “The LORD has said that he would dwell in thick darkness.

13 I have indeed built you an exalted house, a place for you to dwell in forever.”


     1) The glory of the LORD filled the house of the LORD? Well, this is silly, right? I mean, if God is everywhere all of the time then wouldn't His glory ALREADY be everywhere all of the time?

     2) Let's put Solomon's amazing wisdom to task, shall we? Does Solomon know that God is supposed to be eternal? Does Solomon know that God is supposed to be everywhere? If God is eternal and if God is everywhere doesn't Solomon know that God already dwells everywhere forever?

14. I Kings 8:27, 29-30
27 But will God indeed dwell on the earth? Behold, heaven and the highest heaven cannot contain you; how much less this house that I have built!

29 that your eyes may be open night and day toward this house, the place of which you have said, ‘My name shall be there,’ that you may listen to the prayer that your servant offers toward this place.

30 And listen to the plea of your servant and of your people Israel, when they pray toward this place. And listen in heaven your dwelling place, and when you hear, forgive.


     1) If God is truly God and is everywhere at all times and for infinity, yada yada plucka plucka, isn't He then already dwelling everywhere all at once? Sooo...God would simultaneously be dwelling in the heavens and on the earth and every nook and cranny of the universe, right? Why doesn't Solomon know this? Why doesn't Solomon's great and grand wisdom come this far to explain this particular issue?

15. I Kings 8:31-32
31 “If a man sins against his neighbor and is made to take an oath and comes and swears his oath before your altar in this house,

32 then hear in heaven and act and judge your servants, condemning the guilty by bringing his conduct on his own head, and vindicating the righteous by rewarding him according to his righteousness.


     1) Hear a swear or oath in heaven? But...God is everywhere, right? Wouldn't God hear everything everywhere simultaneously?

16. I Kings 8:33-34
33 “When your people Israel are defeated before the enemy because they have sinned against you, and if they turn again to you and acknowledge your name and pray and plead with you in this house,

34 then hear in heaven and forgive the sin of your people Israel and bring them again to the land that you gave to their fathers.


     1) Sooo...whenever God's people do wrong He retaliates with war?

     2) long as God gets all of the attention, ALL of the illumination of whatever spotlight happens to be shining, He is okay and will be on good terms with His people?

17. I Kings 8:35-36
35 “When heaven is shut up and there is no rain because they have sinned against you, if they pray toward this place and acknowledge your name and turn from their sin, when you afflict them,

36 then hear in heaven and forgive the sin of your servants, your people Israel, when you teach them the good way in which they should walk, and grant rain upon your land, which you have given to your people as an inheritance.


     1) That's right. ANYTIME there is something that goes wrong it is definitely because people have done something wrong, right? Sooo...that volcano, that tsunami, that typhoon or hurricane or sinkhole or mudslide or drought is because people have done something wrong and should start playing twenty questions to figure out what the hell it is?

18. I Kings 8:38-40
38 whatever prayer, whatever plea is made by any man or by all your people Israel, each knowing the affliction of his own heart and stretching out his hands toward this house,

39 then hear in heaven your dwelling place and forgive and act and render to each whose heart you know, according to all his ways (for you, you only, know the hearts of all the children of mankind),

40 that they may fear you all the days that they live in the land that you gave to our fathers.


     1) Sooo...heaven is the LORD's dwelling place? I thought the temple that was built was? And why the freaky-doo does God need a dwelling place to begin with when He is already everywhere?

     2) If God is all-powerful and all-knowing and all-present then there cannot be a place called heaven where He specifically resides since He MUST by His very nature exist everywhere and at all times simultaneously, correct?

19. I Kings 8:41-43
41 “Likewise, when a foreigner, who is not of your people Israel, comes from a far country for your name’s sake

42 (for they shall hear of your great name and your mighty hand, and of your outstretched arm), when he comes and prays toward this house,

43 hear in heaven your dwelling place and do according to all for which the foreigner calls to you, in order that all the peoples of the earth may know your name and fear you, as do your people Israel, and that they may know that this house that I have built is called by your name.


     1) Wow. WOW. God/the LORD is totally obsessed with hearing His great name and making sure people fear Him, isn't He? Sooo...basically God's own notoriety is far more important than His chosen people, or anyone for that matter, correct?

     2) This verse got me to wondering: is God a fascist? 

20. I Kings 8:44-45
44 “If your people go out to battle against their enemy, by whatever way you shall send them, and they pray to the LORD toward the city that you have chosen and the house that I have built for your name,

45 then hear in heaven their prayer and their plea, and maintain their cause.


     1) Ahhh...yet another epic fail for more of God's promises, right? You know, before the people ran praying to God for help it would have served them well to consider whether or not God was behind whatever trouble had brewed and bubbled out of the proverbial kettle of life.

     2) Why face the freaking city to pray when God is everywhere all of the time, thus you do not have to worry which direction you are facing?

21. I Kings 8:46
46 “If they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin—and you are angry with them and give them to an enemy, so that they are carried away captive to the land of the enemy, far off or near,


     1) If someone sins against you you give them to your enemy?

     2) Well, do you notice the verse says there is no one who does not sin? Sooo...if everyone sins how in the fuckey-doo will ANYONE ever measure up to this lunatic God's covenants?

     3) What is it that God says every single time He is about to unleash some mighty consequence? Isn't it something similar to "...because you have sinned..." yada-yada, plucka-plucka?

     4) Sooo...let me make sure I have this straight. God makes covenants with man that require punishment IF man disobeys/sins, right? You know what? There is definitely something in the gravy here and it isn't pleasant. In order for God to keep up His end of the covenant bargain man must follow every command to the letter, lest he sin egregiously and earn a ticket to hell. 

     5)Sooo...again, so long as man does not sin he is in a great position to receive all of God's promises, right? IT IS AN ILLUSORY PROMISE, isn't that true? How can God make all of these covenants with the requirement of no sinning, or else, when it says in the verse above all have sinned?

     6) AND...since God is supposed to know everything about the depth of the sin man wallows in WHY did He make covenants that He knew man would NEVER be able to keep?

22. I Kings 8:56
56 “Blessed be the LORD who has given rest to his people Israel, according to all that he promised. Not one word has failed of all his good promise, which he spoke by Moses his servant.


     1) The LORD has given rest to His people? Really?

     2) How long is this 'rest' for the people? A day? A month? Years? And the people are not really at rest at all, since it is simply God taking a divine sabbatical from fire and brimstone, casting plagues, and sending evil spirits to people and all that, right?

     3) The LORD is a total trainwreck when it comes to following through on His promises, right? Plus, the entire premise of His taking care of His people is total insanity. His people are starving half the time, often lack a proper water supply, have been dragged through the desert for forty fucking years, were persecuted by Pharaoh before the Exodus, are told to kill the inhabitants of those lands promised and stolen by is a long list, right?

23. I Kings 8:62-64
62 Then the king, and all Israel with him, offered sacrifice before the LORD.

63 Solomon offered as peace offerings to the LORD 22,000 oxen and 120,000 sheep. So the king and all the people of Israel dedicated the house of the LORD.

64 The same day the king consecrated the middle of the court that was before the house of the LORD, for there he offered the burnt offering and the grain offering and the fat pieces of the peace offerings, because the bronze altar that was before the LORD was too small to receive the burnt offering and the grain offering and the fat pieces of the peace offerings.


     1) Sooo...I am sure you can see by verse 63 that one hundred forty-two thousand animals were sacrificed (by the way, 'sacrifice' is just a fancy-schmancy way to say 'killed') in order to dedicate the house of the LORD. Tell me, what do you think of a Being that demands death as His inauguration ceremony?

     2) Can you think of anyone either present or in the past, real person or mythological, that demands blood for dedication or for any variety of reasons?

     3) When did God first demand sacrifice? BLOOD sacrifice?

     4) If the Word of God stands forever and is always the same, never EVER fading one jot or tittle, and if Jesus dying on the cross negated the ritual demand of animal sacrifice found in the Old Testament, wouldn't that be a really REALLY good hint that the Word of God is not everlasting after all? I mean, if His Word were truly everlasting He would not have needed to make the changes in the New Testament's cockeyed version of an entirely new covenant, right?

No comments: