I Kings Part V: Just a Few Questions

Why not be the King? It can be far worse to be a prophet!

Oh yeah...you thought some of the kings of the people of Israel had it bad? Look at what some of the prophets had to go through. If you read this story and did not know it was from the Bible you would think you were reading a terrible story that involved a quite powerful person who used, abused, and threw people away whenever he was done using them for whatever dastardly thing he had planned. So SO terrible it really makes me sick.

1. I Kings 13:11-18
11 Now an old prophet lived in Bethel. And his sons came and told him all that the man of God had done that day in Bethel. They also told to their father the words that he had spoken to the king.

12 And their father said to them, “Which way did he go?” And his sons showed him the way that the man of God who came from Judah had gone.

13 Then he said to his sons, "Saddle the donkey for me." So they saddled the donkey for him and he rode away on it.

14 And he went after the man of God and found him sitting under an oak. And he said to him, “Are you the man of God who came from Judah?” And he said, “I am.”

15 Then he said to him, “Come home with me and eat bread.”

16 And he said, “I may not return with you, or go in with you, neither will I eat bread nor drink water with you in this place,

17 for it was said to me by the word of the LORD, ‘You shall neither eat bread nor drink water there, nor return by the way that you came.’”

18 And he said to him, “I also am a prophet as you are, and an angel spoke to me by the word of the LORD, saying, ‘Bring him back with you into your house that he may eat bread and drink water.’” But he lied to him.

Questions

     1) This is an interesting gaggle of verses, right? Sooo...the sons go and tell their old man prophet father that another prophet is in town? And then in quick response the old man prophet father jumps up and says to go and saddle...the donkey?

     2) Sooo...was this old man prophet who shot off across the plains on a donkey also a prophet of God? If not, just who was he a prophet for? If he was a prophet of God what the hell happened? Did God need to turn him rogue in order to make things happen the way that He needed them to happen?

     3) Sooo...if the old man prophet who shot off across the plains on a friggin donkey was directed or allowed by God to purposely lie to another prophet about being a person who received a message from God/the LORD and this is actually a lie in the specifics of the message (since there was really no such message received) and not in the act of being a person who speaks for God (because the lying prophet IS a prophet of God)...WHEW!!! Who writes this crap?

   4) Okay, here is yet another question that bothers me about this story, right? Sooo...uhmmm, God IS supposed to be all-powerful, correct? God is also supposed to be all-good and all-loving, right? If God really is these things, all-powerful, all-loving, all-good, yada-yada, plucka-plucka, then wouldn't it stand at the very LEAST by biblical reasoning that God ALWAYS WINS? If God always wins then why did He manipulate people into doing things that are the antithesis of God's very own nature? Why did God make the donkey dude prophet lie to the first prophet?

     5) Does is make any sense whatsoever that God had to LIE in order to get what He wanted done/to fulfill prophecy/to make His words stand?

   6) Can an intelligent, ultimately controlling and reasoning Being that is supposed to encompass everything that is truth, is this Being capable of lying? Yes or No...can this Being LIE and if so how does this affect His perceived natural state of perfection?

    7) Sooo...man was made in the image of God, was he? If man was created with free will does that mean that God also has free will? If God is the ultimate in free will then there is no one anywhere that can make Him do anything AND with this ultimate free will God will logically possess every possible choice (both good and bad) to every situation, right? 

    8) If the above IS the case, wouldn't it follow out of necessity of His very attributes of all that He is and all that He consists of, that God used HIS  ultimate free will to make the choice to lie, to trick, to mislead, to knowingly and intentionally place someone in danger for the purpose of murdering them...and all of THAT for the so-called fulfillment of His 'plan' for mankind?

    9) What is it exactly about the foregoing that makes you want to worship, love, adore, pay homage to, pray to, or even give any attention whatsoever to the seriously screwy God of the Bible?

2. I Kings 13:20

20 And as they sat at the table, the word of the LORD came to the prophet who had brought him back.

21 And he cried to the man of God who came from Judah, “Thus says the LORD, ‘Because you have disobeyed the word of the LORD and have not kept the command that the LORD your God commanded you,

22 but have come back and have eaten bread and drunk water in the place of which he said to you, “Eat no bread and drink no water,” your body shall not come to the tomb of your fathers.’”

23 And after he had eaten bread and drunk, he saddled the donkey for the prophet whom he had brought back.

24 And as he went away a lion met him on the road and killed him. And his body was thrown in the road, and the donkey stood beside it; the lion also stood beside the body.

Questions

     1) Oooooohhhh!!! I see! It was ALL a trick of the LORD/God...right from the very beginning, right?

   2) Sooo...let me make sure I've got this right here, uhmmm...the story here is that the LORD/God told the original prophet that he was not to go back and eat or drink and all that mumbo jumbo, BUT then the LORD/God tells this other prophet old guy to get on a donkey, go out to the original prophet, invite him to lunch BY TELLING HIM THAT GOD SAID TO GO BACK WITH THE PROPHET RIDING THE DONKEY TO HAVE LUNCH. SO then the original prophet goes back because he believes the prophet dude on the donkey...THEN when the original prophet is eating lunch with the prophet dude on the donkey the LORD/God basically channels a message through the donkey dude prophet and says, "TRICK!!! I gotcha, bee-OTCH! Now you are gonna die!" I have got that much right, THAT is the story here, correct?

     3) THEN...after God/the LORD is finished tricking this prophet guy (the one who made the prediction about the splitting altar and the falling ashes) by getting another prophet (the older prophet dude on the donkey) to lie to him, the LORD/God then decides to off this faithful servant (the altar prophet guy) by having a LION meet him on the road and kill him? What the fuck?!

     4) Oh, and the donkey IS safe, correct? I mean, the Bible does say the donkey stood beside the body of the prophet bamboozled by the LORD/God, right?

     5) I am really curious about the idea of a lion meeting the individual he is to kill, aren't you? What kind of message did this lion receive from God? I mean, how does this play out? Is it something like...Once upon a time, a young lion living in the land of the people of Israel was instructed by God, Who said, "Lion, goeth thee thou out to yonder road and waiteth thee for a prophet with whom I am very angry. Thoust shalleth maul-eth the man who once spoke for God, but when the man has expired thou shouldst not eateth of his body, neither harm his donkey, but sitteth there for shits and giggles just to see how many people passeth the carcass of this former man of God before someone haveth compassion, decency and courage to bury and mourn for him." Do you think it would have been something like that?

3. I Kings 13:25

25 People who passed by saw the body lying in the road and the lion standing beside it, and they went and reported it in Bethel, where the old prophet lived.

Questions

     1) Really? Sooo...this lion is standing by the body of a person it has killed, and we are supposed to believe that people are 'passing by' and taking all this in like a midday matinee, then reporting it to the townspeople? Somebody was into the ganja when they wrote this story, weren't they?

4. I Kings 13:26

26 And when the prophet who had brought him back from the way heard of it, he said, “It is the man of God who disobeyed the word of the LORD; therefore the LORD has given him to the lion, which has torn him and killed him, according to the word that the LORD spoke to him.”

Questions

    1) Does this donkey dude prophet remember anything he said or did to the other prophet?

   2) Doesn't he recall telling the other prophet the lie that God said to go back with him and have lunch?

   3) Do any of the people suspect this donkey dude prophet had something to do with it since he apparently knows all of the information as to what happened to this guy while everyone else does not?

    4) This man of God who was killed disobeyed God? Wasn't he TRICKED by God? If he was tricked by God he sure as shit did not disobey God, did he?

    5) The LORD/God set this poor man up for failure, didn't He? How does this LORD/God then deserve anything BUT disdain?

5. I Kings 13:27

27 Then he spoke to his sons, saying, "Saddle the donkey for me." And they saddled it.

28 And he went and found his body thrown in the road, and the donkey and the lion standing beside the body. The lion had not eaten the body or torn the donkey.

29 And the prophet took up the body of the man of God and laid it on the donkey and brought it back to the city to mourn and to bury him.

30 And he laid the body in his own grave. And they mourned over him, saying, “Alas, my brother!”

31 And after he had buried him, he said to his sons, “When I die, bury me in the grave in which the man of God is buried; lay my bones beside his bones.

Questions

     1) Sooo...up to this point no one has gone to get the body of the dead prophet, which by the way the lion and donkey are still standing by? You have a dead body and a lion and a donkey and the lion isn't touching the body or the donkey and people don't stop to think that God/the LORD definitely had something to do with this?

     2) Sooo...the prophet who had his mind hijacked by the LORD in order to tell the other prophet a lie so that God/the LORD could kill him, goes out and takes the body of the dead prophet, buries him and mourns for him...because apparently no one else was going to do so? What the fuck is wrong with people? What the fuck is wrong with the LORD/God?

     3) There is something about verse 31 that just seems so very lonely and so very hurtful and so very dejected, isn't there? God/the LORD would have left the body of the tricked prophet that He murdered just laying there on the road, wouldn't He have? Was it not enough for God that the man was dead that He had to make the effort to try to leave him alone in death as well, his body cast aside like trash? Is THIS the God/LORD you worship?

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I Kings Part IV: Just a Few Questions

All Hail the King!

If you thought that the tail end of Solomon's reign wasn't that bad and things really shouldn't get all that much worse...you are wrong. When Solomon dies the LORD puts His plan to garner more attention into overdrive. If you thought the people of Israel have done their share of suffering, well that might be true, but apparently God/the LORD does not think so as evidenced by the worsening situations His people continue to find themselves in.

We continue with the questions for the book of I Kings.

1. I Kings 11:39

39 And I will afflict the offspring of David because of this, but not forever.

Questions

     1) Are you in the least bit surprised that God/the LORD would take this approach? Making the children of the wrongdoer pay the toll on the consequence wrought by their ancestor's willful fuck-ups? 

     2) Oooohh, I see. This must be another preemptive installment of Suffer the Little Children unto Me, correct? I mean, what the hell else can it be since God is referring to the literal offspring of King David?

     3) It is the last three words of the verse that really get under my skin: but not forever. But not forever? Was God wanting and trying to look and sound nice and considerate, as though He even considerately cut the duration of the punishment out of mercy?

     4) What is wrong with this picture? Those last three words: BUT NOT FOREVER. Do those last three words do ANYTHING AT ALL to make any of the other words in the verse any better?

2. I Kings 12:3-4
3 And they sent and called him, and Jeroboam and all the assembly of Israel came and said to Rehoboam,

4 “Your father made our yoke heavy. Now therefore lighten the hard service of your father and his heavy yoke on us, and we will serve you.”

Questions
     1) Sooo...Solomon placed a heavy yoke of labor upon his own people, the people of Israel...the people of God? Why did God allow this? Doesn't it say that the LORD gave rest on every side of His people (it mentions this in the beginning chapters of I Kings)? How is there rest on every side if the people are being forced to hold a heavy yoke of labor?

     2) In previous chapters in I Kings it mentions that King Solomon did not put his people, the people of Israel, to the hard/forced labor, right? But here it totally sounds like the opposite is true? What is going on here? Is there or ISN'T there hard/forced labor that the people of Israel are subjected to?

     3) Sooo...the people say to lighten the load and they will serve the new king, right? Does this also infer that if the king does not lighten the load that the people will not serve him?

3. I Kings 12:6-8
6 Then King Rehoboam discussed the matter with the older men who had counseled his father, Solomon. "What is your advice?" he asked. "How should I answer these people?"

7 The older counselors replied, "If you are willing to be a servant to these people today and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal subjects."

8 But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him and were now his advisers.

Questions
     1) I am curious, since the LORD mentioned to Solomon that He would tear the kingdom away from Solomon's son, is this the way that the LORD chooses to do so? Is He purposely making the new king shun the good advice and happily take the bad advice?

     2) If such is the case, if the LORD is making the new king choose poorly in order to punish Solomon for the 'evil' the LORD claims he did (and how would such a thing punish Solomon anyways when he is already fucking dead?) isn't this an excellent example of divine entrapment? If the LORD is making someone make a particular choice then isn't that indicative of that person NOT willing to make such a poor decision to begin with? If the new king was not going to make that poor decision WITHOUT the purposeful prodding of the LORD...isn't that WRONG what the LORD is doing?

4. I Kings 12:10-11, 13-15
10 And the young men who had grown up with him said to him, “Thus shall you speak to this people who said to you, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you lighten it for us,’ thus shall you say to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs.

11 And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’”

13 And the king answered the people harshly, and forsaking the counsel that the old men had given him,

14 he spoke to them according to the counsel of the young men, saying, “My father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.”

15 So the king did not listen to the people, for it was a turn of affairs brought about by the LORD that he might fulfill his word, which the LORD spoke by Ahijah the Shilonite to Jeroboam the son of Nebat.

Questions
     1) Ahhh, I see. It WAS the LORD who put the new king up to this bullshit treatment of his own people, right? Sooo...for something that the new king's father did EVERYONE has to pay because the LORD is pissed that He didn't get enough attention?

5. I Kings 12:16
16 And when all Israel saw that the king did not listen to them, the people answered the king, “What portion do we have in David? We have no inheritance in the son of Jesse. To your tents, O Israel! Look now to your own house, David.” So Israel went to their tents.

Questions
     1) Wow...so with one fatal swoop the LORD rips out the carpet from beneath everyone and breaks every promise He made to the people, their ancestors, the previous king, the king before Him, and everyone inbetween?

     2) How in the HELL do people continue to trust this LORD fellow when it is obvious He is quite the lying prick?

6. I Kings 12;18
18 Then King Rehoboam sent Adoram, who was taskmaster over the forced labor, and all Israel stoned him to death with stones. And King Rehoboam hurried to mount his chariot to flee to Jerusalem.

Questions
     1) Sooo...then the people of Israel did participate in the forced labor program? Why does it say differently depending on the chapter of I Kings you happen to be reading?

     2) If Adoram was following orders of the new king whose mind and ability to make better choices for his people had been hijacked by God, then isn't God responsible for sending Adoram to his death by stoning?

     3) Is making the new king flee to another city the little cherry of social unrest that the LORD puts atop His newest Dessert of Disaster?

7. I Kings 12:19
19 So Israel has been in rebellion against the house of David to this day.

Questions
     1) Hah! This is hilarious isn't it? How many times up to this point in the Bible has the LORD said that He would never forsake His people, would love them, would provide for them, and would sustain them?

     2) Do you think it is possible that when the LORD said He would never forsake, would love, would provide, and would sustain that He really meant that He would never stop harassing His own people, loves to cause great pain upon His people, would be more than happy to provide oodles of misfortune upon misfortune to those He supposedly loves, and would sustain His effort to really fuck people up until they get the friggin clue that this God is not worth the rice paper His scripture is written on?

8. I Kings 12:20
20 And when all Israel heard that Jeroboam had returned, they sent and called him to the assembly and made him king over all Israel. There was none that followed the house of David but the tribe of Judah only.

Questions
     1) And I suppose this is where the groundwork is laid for the proof of the New Testament story that the Jews rebuffed, refused to accept Jesus as the messiah?

     2) Sooo...if the Jews rebuffed Jesus as the Messiah, and if it was because of this bullshit that Rehoboam pulled, and if GOD was the one who made Rehoboam behave in such a goddamn stupid manner toward his people...uhmmm, isn't GOD the reason He was refused by His own people when He morphed into Jesus to save all of mankind from that bugaboo of sin?

9. I Kings 12:21
21 When Rehoboam came to Jerusalem, he assembled all the house of Judah and the tribe of Benjamin, 180,000 chosen warriors, to fight against the house of Israel, to restore the kingdom to Rehoboam the son of Solomon.

Questions
     1) Well, what have we here but fighting within the people who are supposed to be God's people? And why are they fighting? And WHO is making them fight? And WHY is He making them fight?

     2) Does God have a pathological need for attention of ANY type? Does God need this attention all the time and everywhere?

     3) If God has a sicko need to always be the center of attention is this why so many religions and denominations have fought so terribly throughout the history of man?

     4) Is man's constant fighting and bickering over whose God is the true God NOT an argument or problem born of man, but one conceived by God and purposely placed within man? Why would God do this? Would a LOVING God do this to His own people?

     5) If God holds that the little children should suffer unto Him, does He count the children of Israel as fitting into such a category and thus make them all suffer?

     6) Who does God love more? The people of Israel or His pathological need for attention at all costs...including the cost of losing life?

10. I Kings 12:24, 26
24 ‘Thus says the LORD, You shall not go up or fight against your relatives the people of Israel. Every man return to his home, for this thing is from me.’” So they listened to the word of the LORD and went home again, according to the word of the LORD.

26 And Jeroboam said in his heart, “Now the kingdom will turn back to the house of David.

27 If this people go up to offer sacrifices in the temple of the LORD at Jerusalem, then the heart of this people will turn again to their lord, to Rehoboam king of Judah, and they will kill me and return to Rehoboam king of Judah.”

28 So the king took counsel and made two calves of gold. And he said to the people, “You have gone up to Jerusalem long enough. Behold your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.”

Questions
     1) What the hell kind of mind games is this bastard God/the LORD playing with these people? Isn't this truly sick? Would you do this to your friends or family? Would you want them to do such a thing to you? If not...why the fuckey-doo believe in a deity that detests and mistreats the very people He is supposed to love?

11. I Kings 12:32
32 And Jeroboam appointed a feast on the fifteenth day of the eighth month like the feast that was in Judah, and he offered sacrifices on the altar. So he did in Bethel, sacrificing to the calves that he made. And he placed in Bethel the priests of the high places that he had made.

Questions
     1) Uh-oh. The LORD isn't getting all of the attention and He is gonna get pissed, right?

     2) Do you think that when the LORD gets pissed off at the people that He even bothers to remember that they did not even behave in this ridiculous manner until the LORD made them do it?

     3) Is the manipulative character of the LORD/God a very good indicator of the depth of His insanity, insatiable desire for blood, and the lose-lose situation of those He has labeled as His people?

12. I Kings 13:2
2 And the man cried against the altar by the word of the LORD and said, “O altar, altar, thus says the LORD: ‘Behold, a son shall be born to the house of David, Josiah by name, and he shall sacrifice on you the priests of the high places who make offerings on you, and human bones shall be burned on you.’”

Questions
     1) Sooo...not only is this pathological deity controlling everyone in the worst ways with His mighty powers, but He even tells the people of the terrible things He is going to do to them? Does this strike you as absurdly smug?

     2) Sooo...was it not enough that God almost let Abraham sacrifice Isaac, and now God actually wants blood, actually wants the human sacrifice to go through?

     3) Isn't life sacred no matter who you are or where you are from? Why isn't life sacred to God? Is God allowed to treat life anyway He wants since it is supposedly Him Who created all life to begin with?

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I Kings Part III: Just a Few Questions

THAT was Quick

Sooo...what do you think of the book of I Kings so far? Pretty interesting, isn't it? And while on the surface it does seem like God's people are finally getting on the right track what does God/the LORD do to His people? He pulls a General Sherman and rips the tracks right up before those using the track have a chance to respond or resituate. How very thoughtful of Senor El Shaddai. 

We pick up where we left off for the questions of I Kings in chapter nine. Enjoy.

1. I Kings 9:1-3

1 As soon as Solomon had finished building the house of the LORD and the king’s house and all that Solomon desired to build,

2 the LORD appeared to Solomon a second time, as he had appeared to him at Gibeon.

3 And the LORD said to him, “I have heard your prayer and your plea, which you have made before me. I have consecrated this house that you have built, by putting my name there forever. My eyes and my heart will be there for all time.

Questions
     1) Why does God claim He wants all men to know Him, but then He very rarely shows Himself to anyone?

     2) What are some of the excuses offered by believers that are intended to explain away the inconsistencies surrounding God's supposed omnipresence (kinda like the wind, right? You can hear it and feel it, but cannot see it)? Some believers hold that the reason God very rarely shows Himself is because people are supposed to believe in God out of faith and not out of literally seeing God. The part about believing out of faith, WITHOUT any sign and encouragement, meant that you totally trusted God and were therefore saved from hell.

But if God wants people to believe in Him out of pure, unadulterated faith straight from the heart of the individual...WHY is He always telling the people they have to do it His way, or else? They have to choose God/the LORD, or else? Doesn't this qualify as negative encouragement to get people to follow God, and wouldn't such show people are not believing out of trust but out of fear?

2. I Kings 9:4

4 And as for you, if you will walk before me, as David your father walked, with integrity of heart and uprightness, doing according to all that I have commanded you, and keeping my statutes and my rules,

Questions

     1) King David walked with integrity and uprightness? Sooo...was David's murdering Uriah uprightness and his taking of Bathsheba integrity...or was it the other way around?

3. I Kings 9:6-9

6 But if you turn aside from following me, you or your children, and do not keep my commandments and my statutes that I have set before you, but go and serve other gods and worship them,

7 then I will cut off Israel from the land that I have given them, and the house that I have consecrated for my name I will cast out of my sight, and Israel will become a proverb and a byword among all peoples.

8 And this house will become a heap of ruins. Everyone passing by it will be astonished and will hiss, and they will say, ‘Why has the LORD done thus to this land and to this house?’

9 Then they will say, ‘Because they abandoned the LORD their God who brought their fathers out of the land of Egypt and laid hold on other gods and worshiped them and served them. Therefore the LORD has brought all this disaster on them.’”

Questions
     1) Here we go again with God/the LORD making stupid and pointless threats again, right? If you turn aside from me? If you do not keep my commandments? Come on, God, You KNOW the people cannot help but to sin, meaning, they will never be able to hold up their end of the covenant. You KNOW this but You keep making covenants with these people?

     2) Does God's/the LORD's persistence to create meaningless/impossible covenants despite His knowledge of man's proclivity to sin unceasingly indicate lying on some level or other?

     3) If man does not know, if man is ignorant of the fact that he will never be able to stop sinning and thus will always be deserving of God's judgments, and if God knows that man does not know...isn't that sneakiness, trickery, and lying?

     4) Has God/the LORD ever stopped to listen to how He sounds when He is talking to people? Does He pay attention to the things He says? Isn't He more or less saying that the people had better believe in Him and if they do not He WILL hurt them?

4. I Kings 9:20-22

20 As for all the people who were left of the Amorites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites, who were not of the sons of Israel,

21 their descendants who were left after them in the land, whom the people of Israel were unable to devote to destruction—these Solomon drafted to be slaves, and so they are to this day.

22 But of the people of Israel Solomon made no slaves. They were the soldiers, they were his officials, his commanders, his captains, his chariot commanders and his horsemen.

Questions
     1) Solomon made NO slaves of the people of Israel?

     2) Don't the people of Israel use a conscription program to stock their military with people?

     3) Isn't that forcing people to serve in the military?

     4) Is forcing someone against their will to enter the military so that they might fight for the king...well, isn't that the same as slavery? And remember, this is conscription and not a draft.

5. I Kings 10:23-29
23 So King Solomon became greater than all the kings of the earth in riches and in wisdom.

24 And the whole earth sought the presence of Solomon to hear his wisdom, which God had put into his mind.

25 Every one of them brought his present, articles of silver and gold, garments, myrrh, spices, horses, and mules, so much year by year.

26 And Solomon gathered together chariots and horsemen. He had 1,400 chariots and 12,000 horsemen, whom he stationed in the chariot cities and with the king in Jerusalem.

27 And the king made silver as common in Jerusalem as stone, and he made cedar as plentiful as the sycamore of the Shephelah.

28 And Solomon’s import of horses was from Egypt and Kue, and the king’s traders received them from Kue at a price.

29 A chariot could be imported from Egypt for 600 shekels of silver and a horse for 150, and so through the king’s traders they were exported to all the kings of the Hittites and the kings of Syria.

Questions
     1) Sooo...the verses do say here that the kings of the whole earth sought the presence of Solomon so that they may hear his words of wisdom? The whole earth?

     2) Sooo...the Bible does say the 'whole earth' and we are supposed to take the Bible as literal truth, correct? Would you be so kind as to tell me what kings or representatives or leaders from, say...North and South American, Australian, and Arctic peoples traveled wayyy over to Solomon just to jaw on for a spell, hummm?

     3) Sooo...are the people of Israel back on good speaking terms with the Egyptians since there seems to be some significant trading/purchasing in war materials?

     4) Considering what supposedly went down in Egypt when the people of Israel left...do you really think the Egyptians would sell chariots and top of the line horses to the same people who were supposedly responsible for Egypt's loss of its entire army of chariots and footmen?

6. I Kings 11:1-3
1 Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women,

2 from the nations concerning which the LORD had said to the people of Israel, “You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love.

3 He had 700 wives, princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart.

Questions
     1) Read that verse two there, would you? Nice little snippy tone to it, right? You know it sounds suspiciously like those over-the-top, uber-zealous Muslims who swear by Whoever they worship that the daughters of the Great Satan are infidels (and we ALL know what happens with that version of God and infidels, right?

     2) What makes this version in the Bible any better, hummm?

     3) Isn't this a fine example of God using religion and faith as weapons specifically intended to draw lines of separation between peoples and cultures?

     4) Seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines? Yikes!! Do you think King Solomon spent a good portion of his time tending to his over-used, very likely sore sex pistol?

7. I Kings 11:7-8
7 Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites, on the mountain east of Jerusalem.

8 And so he did for all his foreign wives, who made offerings and sacrificed to their gods.

Questions
     1) Sooo...here we find the need to ask why it is okay to butcher animals and give them to the God of the people of Israel, but the same cannot be done for other gods? WHY? And don't just say some abomination bullshit, either. Just tell me when and why God decided killing animals and burning their carcasses in supplication to the mighty invisible was a good idea?

8. I Kings 11:9-11
9 And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart had turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice

10 and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods. But he did not keep what the LORD commanded.

11 Therefore the LORD said to Solomon, “Since this has been your practice and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes that I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you and will give it to your servant.

Questions
     1) Aha...the LORD is miffed that HE feels like HE went out of His way to show Himself to Solomon, and now Solomon has wandering eyes? Did the LORD really think appearing twice was enough to tip the scales in His favor? Look at all the shit He does to the people! ON PURPOSE! And He wonders why people run the other way?

     2) The LORD/God seems absolutely happy and ready and willing to do anything for the chance to give people something great, and then right when they think they have something good He takes great and sadistic pleasure in ripping whatever He gave right out of the hands of those He gave it to, right?

9. I Kings 11:12-13
12 Yet for the sake of David your father I will not do it in your days, but I will tear it out of the hand of your son.

13 However, I will not tear away all the kingdom, but I will give one tribe to your son, for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem that I have chosen.”

Questions
     1) For the sake of Solomon's father? Doesn't the LORD know that David is dead? Does the LORD really think David would give a shit when the guy has been long dead?

     2) You DO see how this sadistic fuck tries to get Solomon where it hurts, right? What does He say to Solomon? I will tear it out of the hands of your son? How would you feel as a parent if someone told you that after you die they are going to take revenge on your child for something that YOU did, not something they did? What kind of fear and sorrow would that put in your heart as you worry day after day for your child? Pretty sick, isn't it?

10. I Kings 11:14-18
14 And the LORD raised up an adversary against Solomon, Hadad the Edomite. He was of the royal house in Edom.

15 For when David was in Edom, and Joab the commander of the army went up to bury the slain, he struck down every male in Edom

16 (for Joab and all Israel remained there six months, until he had cut off every male in Edom).

17 But Hadad fled to Egypt, together with certain Edomites of his father’s servants, Hadad still being a little child.

18 They set out from Midian and came to Paran and took men with them from Paran and came to Egypt, to Pharaoh king of Egypt, who gave him a house and assigned him an allowance of food and gave him land.

Questions
     1) Well well WELL! What have we here but God once again frigging with the free will of people by making them fight, right?

     2) Doesn't the verse say that the LORD raised up an adversary?

     3) Does the verse say that an adversary arose on his own?

     4) Sooo...God has purposely set fire to the barn. Isn't that just wonderful? Is this something an honest, truthful, loving, kind God would do?

11. I Kings 11:23-25
23 God also raised up as an adversary to him, Rezon the son of Eliada, who had fled from his master Hadadezer king of Zobah.

24 And he gathered men about him and became leader of a marauding band, after the killing by David. And they went to Damascus and lived there and made him king in Damascus.

25 He was an adversary of Israel all the days of Solomon, doing harm as Hadad did. And he loathed Israel and reigned over Syria.

Questions
     1) Oh, look! God was in SUCH a generous mood that He decided to go all out and raise up yet another adversary? Wow. God must not have remembered that part toward the beginning of I Kings where it said Solomon had rest on every side and there was peace, right?

     2) These verses totally sound like a slightly tweaked version of the Hagar/Ishmael story, don't they? The childless father, rooked out of his birthright, rewarded with a half ass blessing that was far more about misery and struggle than anything positive, the angst, the hatred...seriously?

12. I Kings 11:26
26 Another rebel leader was Jeroboam son of Nebat, one of Solomon's own officials. He came from the town of Zeredah in Ephraim, and his mother was Zeruah, a widow.

Questions
     1) Does God arrange shit like this because He figures that when people 'do wrong' the best way to get back at them is to strike the people they are closest to?

     2) And God knows it is even better if it is a person the sinner really, really trusts and relies upon, correct? And it doesn't matter whether or not the people had a reason to fight, because the LORD always helps with that, right?

13. I Kings 11:28
28 The man Jeroboam was very able, and when Solomon saw that the young man was industrious he gave him charge over all the forced labor of the house of Joseph.

Questions
     1) I thought the Israelites were not the ones forced into labor, and now they are? Wait, do you mean the people living WITH the tribe of Joseph were forced into labor?

     2) Is this another one of those nonsense verses in the Bible that just don't freaking add up, and that people simply pass of as the mysteriousness of God/the LORD and the ways in which He works?

14. I Kings 11:34-36
34 Nevertheless, I will not take the whole kingdom out of his hand, but I will make him ruler all the days of his life, for the sake of David my servant whom I chose, who kept my commandments and my statutes.

35 But I will take the kingdom out of his son’s hand and will give it to you, ten tribes.

36 Yet to his son I will give one tribe, that David my servant may always have a lamp before me in Jerusalem, the city where I have chosen to put my name.

Questions
     1) Why does God keep saying King David kept His commandments when David very clearly broke damn near every single commandment with what he did with Uriah and Bathsheba?

     2) That my servant may always have a lamp before me in Jerusalem? Seriously? Have you seen Jerusalem on the news and heard about all the constant bickering and fighting and killing...fucking people STILL not getting along? Christ! That place is a friggin lamp? With all of the people behaving like they only think in the goddamn dark, with all of the bombings and grenade attacks, all of the riots and protests, and intermittent smoke billowing up from destruction...geeze, it is more like a LUMP, right?

15. I Kings  11-37-38
37 And I will take you, and you shall reign over all that your soul desires, and you shall be king over Israel.

38 And if you will listen to all that I command you, and will walk in my ways, and do what is right in my eyes by keeping my statutes and my commandments, as David my servant did, I will be with you and will build you a sure house, as I built for David, and I will give Israel to you.

Questions
     1) When God says He will 'take you' do you think it could possibly mean that in the sense of a 'con-man' He will take you for a long ride to nowhere where you eventually either starve to fucking death or die of thirst?

     2) If you walk in my ways? Is God high? If everyone walked in His ways the human race would have disappeared a long ass time ago, right?

     3) And WHY is God so freaking persistent in saying that King David walked in His ways when that is simply not true and there is irrefutable evidence of it NOT being true?


http://shoon4774-thegreatestlieevertold.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-does-god-win.html

http://toleratingaggressivereligioushumor.blogspot.com/

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