Job Part I: Just a Few Questions

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One of the Most Battered Men of the Bible

Sooo...we have made it to the book of Job. Yes! I have been looking forward to this one, especially with all of the amazingly jacked-up things that God allows to happen to Job...on purpose. Yes. Isn't God just the best pal ever?

1. Job 1:1

1 There once was a man named Job who lived in the land of Uz. He was blameless--a man of complete integrity. He feared God and stayed away from evil.

Questions

     1) So, right off the bat we can say this Job fellow is a really good guy?

2. Job 1:5

5 When these celebrations ended--sometimes after several days--Job would purify his children. He would get up early in the morning and offer a burnt offering for each of them. For Job said to himself, "Perhaps my children have sinned and have cursed God in their hearts." This was Job's regular practice.

Questions

     1) Is this the old theme of paying for the sin of another?

     2) Does God/the LORD like this theme because it gives Him clearance to punish the innocent?

3. Job 1:6-7

6 One day the members of the heavenly court came to present themselves before the LORD, and the Accuser, Satan, came with them.

7 The LORD said to Satan, “From where have you come?” Satan answered the LORD and said, “From going to and fro on the earth, and from walking up and down on it.”

Questions

     1) Really? As if God/the LORD didn't know that Satan would show up at the party? Seriously? From where have you come? Why does God/the LORD play stupid? Does He think it is cute or endearing?

4. Job 1:8

8 Then the LORD asked Satan, "Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless--a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil."

Questions

     1) Don't you think that God/the LORD totally baits Satan here?

     2) Would you say God is being a bit of a braggart here? Wouldn't that be a sin? If it is not considered a sin is that because it is God doing it?

5. Job 1:11-12

11 But reach out and take away everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face!"

12 "All right, you may test him," the LORD said to Satan. "Do whatever you want with everything he possesses, but don't harm him physically." So Satan left the LORD's presence.

Questions

     1) Was God/the LORD looking for a reason to hurt someone?

     2) Sooo...it was okay to hurt Job's family but not Job? Is that supposed to make anything better, or God less guilty?

     3) Here God is more or less giving Satan permission to fuck Job up, right?

6. Job 1:21

21 He said, "I came naked from my mother's womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The LORD gave me what I had, and the LORD has taken it away. Praise the name of the LORD!"

Questions

     1) Is the reason that Job doesn't complain because in reality he knows, he knows that God/the LORD could make it oh so much worse?

7. Job 1:22

22 In all this Job did not sin or charge God with wrong.

Questions

     1) Job does not do this out of love, does he? He does it out of FEAR, doesn't he?

8. Job 2:1-3

1 One day the members of the heavenly court came again to present themselves before the LORD, and the Accuser, Satan, came with them.

2 "Where have you come from?" the LORD asked Satan. Satan answered the LORD, "I have been patrolling the earth, watching everything that's going on."

3 Then the LORD asked Satan, "Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless--a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil. And he has maintained his integrity, even though you urged me to harm him without cause."

Questions

     1) Oh wow. Same story, different verses? What the hell is up with this cheapie version of religious story-telling?

9. Job 2:6

6 "All right, do with him as you please," the LORD said to Satan. "But spare his life."

Questions

     1) Sooo...would this qualify as conspiracy to inflict great bodily harm?

     2) Isn't this verse saying the LORD is giving Satan permission to beat Job within an inch of his life?

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Ezra: Just a Few Questions

Short List

There was really not a whole bunch that the book of Ezra had to offer as far as my questioning the books of the Bible goes, thus this is a very short post. Enjoy!

1. Ezra 1:1-3

1 In the first year of King Cyrus of Persia, the LORD fulfilled the prophecy he had given through Jeremiah. He stirred the heart of Cyrus to put this proclamation in writing and to send it throughout his kingdom:

2 "This is what King Cyrus of Persia says: "The LORD, the God of heaven, has given me all the kingdoms of the earth. He has appointed me to build him a Temple at Jerusalem, which is in Judah.

3 Any of you who are his people may go to Jerusalem in Judah to rebuild this Temple of the LORD, the God of Israel, who lives in Jerusalem. And may your God be with you!

Questions
     1) Oh look! The LORD stirred the heart of Cyrus of Persia. Would Cyrus would have done what he did if the LORD had not put him up to it? Is this yet another example of good old Lordy-Poo manipulating the free will of a human king or ruler yet AGAIN?

     2) Manipulation. Hummm. Sooo...this book of the Bible starts off with a lie?

2. Ezra 3:5

5 After that, they presented the regular burnt offerings, the New Moon sacrifices and the sacrifices for all the appointed sacred festivals of the LORD, as well as those brought as freewill offerings to the LORD.

Questions
     1) There are New Moon and harvest festivals and all kinds of sacred holidays in just about every culture that are aimed at thanking a wide variety of divine beings. Sooo...God's/the LORD's people can have all of these types of sacred feasts and holidays but everyone else who worships different gods can't (at least not without incurring the supposed wrath of the God of the Bible)?

     2) Free will offering? Considering how often Senor Yahweh jacks with the free will of human beings don't you think this is a laugh at best?

3. Ezra 3:12-13

12 But many of the older priests, Levites, and other leaders who had seen the first Temple wept aloud when they saw the new Temple's foundation. The others, however, were shouting for joy.

13 so that the people could not distinguish the sound of the joyful shout from the sound of the people’s weeping, for the people shouted with a great shout, and the sound was heard far away.

Questions
     1) This is not a good thing in this case. I thinking the crying SNAFU could be indicative of severe mental/psychological trauma, right? I mean, is the LORD going to tell the people building this temple just what He told the people who built the last temple? You  know...when He makes them think it will last forever?

4. Ezra 6:21

21 The Passover meal was eaten by the people of Israel who had returned from exile and by the others in the land who had turned from their immoral customs to worship the LORD, the God of Israel.

Questions
     1) What is the truth here? Isn't the truth that the people will always be in exile and captivity so long as they are God's people? What has human history shown about this?

5. Ezra 7:6

6 This Ezra was a scribe who was well versed in the Law of Moses, which the LORD, the God of Israel, had given to the people of Israel. He came up to Jerusalem from Babylon, and the king gave him everything he asked for, because the gracious hand of the LORD his God was on him.

Questions
     1) Skilled in the Law of Moses? You mean the Ten Commandments? How fucking skilled do you have to be for ten goddamn commandments?

6. Ezra 7:17

17 With this money, then, you shall with all diligence buy bulls, rams, and lambs, with their grain offerings and their drink offerings, and you shall offer them on the altar of the house of your God that is in Jerusalem.

Questions
     1) Yeah, since money has no blood of its own to be taken in sacrifice they have to use the money to buy some blood, right?

7. Ezra 10:1

1 While Ezra prayed and made this confession, weeping and lying face down on the ground in front of the Temple of God, a very large crowd of people from Israel--men, women, and children--gathered and wept bitterly with him.

Questions
     1) Throwing themselves down and crying bitterly? They got the kids to do this as well? WTF?

8. Ezra 10:10-12
10 Then Ezra the priest stood and said to them: "You have committed a terrible sin. By marrying pagan women, you have increased Israel's guilt.

11 So now confess your sin to the LORD, the God of your ancestors, and do what he demands. Separate yourselves from the people of the land and from these pagan women."

12 Then the whole assembly raised their voices and answered, "Yes, you are right; we must do as you say!"

Questions
     1) Right out of The Children of the Corn, right? Yessssss, MAS-tah! we shall toss our women aside like kindling because they are...pagans? You have increased Israel's guilt sooo...leave your women? How fucking stupid and heartless and irresponsible is this?

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I Chronicles: Just a Few Questions

This is a Short List

Sooo...I Chronicles is a very repetitious book as far as the information that has already been presented being presented all over again is concerned, right? LOVELY. Sooo...this first serving of Chronicles will be very short.

1. I Chronicles 9:21, 24

21 Zechariah the son of Meshelemiah was gatekeeper at the entrance of the tent of meeting.

24 The gatekeepers were on the four sides, east, west, north, and south.

Questions

     1) Gatekeeper? Four directions? What is this...Wicca?

2. I Chronicles 11:9

9 And David waxed greater and greater; for Jehovah of hosts was with him.

Questions

     1) Jehovah of hosts? Sooo...how many versions of Jehovah and God and the LORD are there?

3. I Chronicles 21:15

15 And God sent the angel to Jerusalem to destroy it, but as he was about to destroy it, the LORD saw, and he relented from the calamity. And he said to the angel who was working destruction, “It is enough; now stay your hand.” And the angel of the LORD was standing by the threshing floor of Ornan the Jebusite.

Questions

     1) Oh wow! What have we here but God ordering destruction, BUT through someone else and not doing it Himself, right?

4. I Chronicles 21:16

16 And David lifted his eyes and saw the angel of the LORD standing between earth and heaven, and in his hand a drawn sword stretched out over Jerusalem. Then David and the elders, clothed in sackcloth, fell upon their faces.

Questions

     1) Sooo...the angel of the LORD was standing between earth and heaven? What did this look like?

5. I Chronicles 21:17

17 And David said to God, "I am the one who called for the census! I am the one who has sinned and done wrong! But these people are as innocent as sheep--what have they done? O LORD my God, let your anger fall against me and my family, but do not destroy your people."

Questions

     1) The people are as innocent as sheep? Is that why the LORD has such a jolly time tearing them up all the time for really stupid reasons?

6. I Chronicles 21:24

24 But King David said to Ornan, “No, but I will buy them for the full price. I will not take for the LORD what is yours, nor offer burnt offerings that cost me nothing.”

Questions

     1) Burnt offerings that cost nothing? EVERYTHING burned and offered to God costs something, right? And just WHAT is that cost usually? Isn't that cost usually the cost of man's life?

7. I Chronicles 29:10

10 Therefore David blessed the LORD in the presence of all the assembly. And David said: “Blessed are you, O LORD, the God of Israel our father, forever and ever.

Questions

     1) Since when does man bless God? Would God even deserve that anyways?

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II Kings Part II: Just a Few Questions

More of the Seriously Disturbing

Well, as you have surely seen by now the Bible is chock full of some seriously disturbing material, is it not? Sure, I have a way of putting some of the questions I pose, but after reading the material can you really blame me? If you CAN please say so in the comments section.

1. II Kings 17:32-39

32 They also feared the LORD and appointed from among themselves all sorts of people as priests of the high places, who sacrificed for them in the shrines of the high places.

33 So they feared the LORD but also served their own gods, after the manner of the nations from among whom they had been carried away.

34 To this day they do according to the former manner. They do not fear the LORD, and they do not follow the statutes or the rules or the law or the commandment that the LORD commanded the children of Jacob, whom he named Israel.

35 The LORD made a covenant with them and commanded them, “You shall not fear other gods or bow yourselves to them or serve them or sacrifice to them,

36 but you shall fear the LORD, who brought you out of the land of Egypt with great power and with an outstretched arm. You shall bow yourselves to him, and to him you shall sacrifice.

37 And the statutes and the rules and the law and the commandment that he wrote for you, you shall always be careful to do. You shall not fear other gods,

38 and you shall not forget the covenant that I have made with you. You shall not fear other gods,

39 but you shall fear the LORD your God, and he will deliver you out of the hand of all your enemies.”

Questions

     1) Jesus Christ...how many times are they going to use the word fear?

2. II Kings 19:35

35 And that night the angel of the LORD went out and struck down 185,000 in the camp of the Assyrians. And when people arose early in the morning, behold, these were all dead bodies.

Questions

     1) Say, is this another example of God's fighting dirty techniques?

3. II Kings 21:3

3 For he rebuilt the high places that Hezekiah his father had destroyed, and he erected altars for Baal and made an Asherah, as Ahab king of Israel had done, and worshiped all the host of heaven and served them.

Questions
     1) Sooo...there ARE other gods with at least some powers?

4. II Kings 21:6

6 And he burned his son as an offering and used fortune-telling and omens and dealt with mediums and with necromancers. He did much evil in the sight of the LORD, provoking him to anger.

Questions
     1) Sooo...this guy did all of these no-no things and only provoked the LORD/God?

     2) But someone else who did not believe in the LORD/God and who did these things would have been totally annihilated, right?

5. II Kings 21:8

8 I will not again make the feet of the Israelites wander from the land I gave their ancestors, if only they will be careful to do everything I commanded them and will keep the whole Law that my servant Moses gave them."

Questions
     1) Ahhh...this is one of those great deals where only God/the LORD wins, right?

     2) Isn't this an unconscionable or boiler plate contract?

6. II Kings 21:9-11

9 But they did not listen, and Manasseh led them astray to do more evil than the nations had done whom the LORD destroyed before the people of Israel.

10 And the LORD said by his servants the prophets,

11 “Because Manasseh king of Judah has committed these abominations and has done things more evil than all that the Amorites did, who were before him, and has made Judah also to sin with his idols

Questions
     1) Is any of this anywhere near fair?

     2) Is this an example of entrapment of man by God/the LORD?

7. II Kings 21:12-14

12 therefore thus says the LORD, the God of Israel: Behold, I am bringing upon Jerusalem and Judah such disaster that the ears of everyone who hears of it will tingle.

13 And I will stretch over Jerusalem the measuring line of Samaria, and the plumb line of the house of Ahab, and I will wipe Jerusalem as one wipes a dish, wiping it and turning it upside down.

14 And I will forsake the remnant of my heritage and give them into the hand of their enemies, and they shall become a prey and a spoil to all their enemies,

Questions
     1) Well...thanks for the warning, Pal, right?

8. II Kings 21:15-16

15 because they have done what is evil in my sight and have provoked me to anger, since the day their fathers came out of Egypt, even to this day.”

16 Moreover, Manasseh shed very much innocent blood, till he had filled Jerusalem from one end to another, besides the sin that he made Judah to sin so that they did what was evil in the sight of the LORD.

Questions
     1) Excuses, excuses, excuses. Is this the best God can do?

9. II Kings 21:22

22 He abandoned the LORD, the God of his fathers, and did not walk in the way of the LORD.

Questions
     1) Of course he forsook the LORD! For Pete's sake...look at verses 14, 15, and 16, right?

10. II Kings 21:23

23 And the servants of Amon conspired against him and put the king to death in his house.

Questions

     1) Sooo...I take it there is NO respect for royalty and kingship? Tell me, how will this work out for Jesus? After Jesus?

11. II Kings 22:16-17

16 Thus says the LORD, Behold, I will bring disaster upon this place and upon its inhabitants, all the words of the book that the king of Judah has read.

17 Because they have forsaken me and have made offerings to other gods, that they might provoke me to anger with all the work of their hands, therefore my wrath will be kindled against this place, and it will not be quenched.

Questions
     1) But God deserves  disregard, doesn't He?

12. II Kings 22:19-20

19 because your heart was penitent, and you humbled yourself before the LORD, when you heard how I spoke against this place and against its inhabitants, that they should become a desolation and a curse, and you have torn your clothes and wept before me, I also have heard you, declares the LORD.

20 Therefore, behold, I will gather you to your fathers, and you shall be gathered to your grave in peace, and your eyes shall not see all the disaster that I will bring upon this place.’” And they brought back word to the king.

Questions
     1) Wow...someone has control issues, don't they?

13. II Kings 23:14

14 And he broke in pieces the pillars and cut down the Asherim and filled their places with the bones of men.

Questions
     1) What is it with God and the Bible and desecration of corpses?

14. II Kings 23:24

24 Moreover, Josiah put away the mediums and the necromancers and the household gods and the idols and all the abominations that were seen in the land of Judah and in Jerusalem, that he might establish the words of the law that were written in the book that Hilkiah the priest found in the house of the LORD.

Questions
     1) Sooo...no psychics due to the control issues?

15. II Kings 25:3

3 On the ninth day of the fourth month the famine was so severe in the city that there was no food for the people of the land.

Questions
     1) Wow...I would say God is the worst parent ever. Don't you think so?

16. II Kings 25:7

7 They slaughtered the sons of Zedekiah before his eyes, and put out the eyes of Zedekiah and bound him in chains and took him to Babylon.

Questions
     1) This is SO freaking horrible and so barbaric, isn't it?

17. II Kings 25:9

9 And he burned the house of the LORD and the king’s house and all the houses of Jerusalem; every great house he burned down.

Questions
     1) Sooo...so much for God's people lasting forever, right?

18. II Kings 25:26

26 Then all the people, both small and great, and the captains of the forces arose and went to Egypt, for they were afraid of the Chaldeans.

Questions
     1) Uhmmm...didn't it say in Exodus and Deuteronomy that they would never again go into Egypt?


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I Kings Part VIII: Just a Few Questions

Doesn't it just get more and more interesting?

You know, once you start reading the Bible and actually paying attention to the words it really is a work of fiction that is extremely difficult to put down, isn't it?

1. I Kings 19:2-3

2 So Jezebel sent this message to Elijah: "May the gods strike me and even kill me if by this time tomorrow I have not killed you just as you killed them."

3 Elijah was afraid and fled for his life. He went to Beersheba, a town in Judah, and he left his servant there.

Questions

     1) Why was Elijah afraid of Jezebel after the LORD showed His mighty power when Elijah killed the 400 prophets?

2. I Kings 19:4-8

4 But he himself went a day’s journey into the wilderness and came and sat down under a broom tree. And he asked that he might die, saying, “It is enough; now, O LORD, take away my life, for I am no better than my fathers.”

5 And he lay down and slept under a broom tree. And behold, an angel touched him and said to him, “Arise and eat.”

6 And he looked, and behold, there was at his head a cake baked on hot stones and a jar of water. And he ate and drank and lay down again.

7 And the angel of the LORD came again a second time and touched him and said, “Arise and eat, for the journey is too great for you.”

8 And he arose and ate and drank, and went in the strength of that food forty days and forty nights to Horeb, the mount of God.

Questions

     1) Sooo...God/the LORD will bring food cakes and water to His prophet, but will continue to play Hunger Games:Divine Edition with everyone else?

     2) Oh, look! The magical Bible number of forty...AGAIN. What, pray tell, does it mean here?

3. I Kings 19:10

10 He said, “I have been very jealous for the LORD, the God of hosts. For the people of Israel have forsaken your covenant, thrown down your altars, and killed your prophets with the sword, and I, even I only, am left, and they seek my life, to take it away.”

Questions

     1) Now...just hold on a minute there, Elijah. Didn't you do some slaughtering yourself?

     2) And what the fuck did you expect, Elijah? Of course they are going to go after you, right?

4. I Kings 19:19-21

19 So he departed from there and found Elisha the son of Shaphat, who was plowing with twelve yoke of oxen in front of him, and he was with the twelfth. Elijah passed by him and cast his cloak upon him.

20 And he left the oxen and ran after Elijah and said, “Let me kiss my father and my mother, and then I will follow you.” And he said to him, “Go back again, for what have I done to you?”

21 And he returned from following him and took the yoke of oxen and sacrificed them and boiled their flesh with the yokes of the oxen and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he arose and went after Elijah and assisted him.

Questions

     1) Maybe some of the starvation is caused by the people killing off the plow animals?

5. I Kings 20:2-3

2 And he sent messengers into the city to Ahab king of Israel and said to him, “Thus says Ben-hadad:

3 ‘Your silver and your gold are mine; your best wives and children also are mine.’”

Questions

     1) Sooo...what happens to the worst wives?

6. I Kings 20:27

27 When the Israelites were also mustered and given provisions, they marched out to meet them. The Israelites camped opposite them like two small flocks of goats, while the Arameans covered the countryside.

Questions

     1) Sooo...now the people get to eat? Is it a reward for fighting?

7. I Kings 20:35-36

35 And a certain man of the sons of the prophets said to his fellow at the command of the LORD, “Strike me, please.” But the man refused to strike him.

36 Then he said to him, “Because you have not obeyed the voice of the LORD, behold, as soon as you have gone from me, a lion shall strike you down.” And as soon as he had departed from him, a lion met him and struck him down.

Questions

     1) Sooo...God tells the man of God to tell the other guy to strike the man of God...and when the other guy refuses he gets a goddamn death sentence? WTF for?

     2) Why didn't God give His friggin message to the guy He wanted to hit the freaking man of God, hummm?

     3) Strike me, please? Oooohhh...because the PLEASE was supposed to let the guy who had no fucking clue what the hell was going on that he really WAS supposed to strike this man of GOD?

8. I Kings 20:37-38

37 Then he found another man and said, “Strike me, please.” And the man struck him—struck him and wounded him.

38 So the prophet departed and waited for the king by the way, disguising himself with a bandage over his eyes.

Questions

     1) Sooo...was allowing the man who struck the man of God to live a reward for going along with the little conspiracy?

     2) God has a prophet DISGUISE himself? How fucking nonsense is this shit?

     3) Why does God even find it necessary to TRICK anyone to begin with, right? I mean, if someone is in disguise they DO intend to TRICK someone, don't they?

9. I Kings 20:40-42

40 And as your servant was busy here and there, he was gone.” The king of Israel said to him, “So shall your judgment be; you yourself have decided it.”

41 Then he hurried to take the bandage away from his eyes, and the king of Israel recognized him as one of the prophets.

42 And he said to him, “Thus says the LORD, ‘Because you have let go out of your hand the man whom I had devoted to destruction, therefore your life shall be for his life, and your people for his people.’”

Questions

     1) Oh, look! More of God's trickery, right?

     2) By the way...why in the HELL did God tell this prophet of His to tell another man to strike him if all he needed to do was wrap the goddamn bandage around his fucking head so the king wouldn't see who it freaking was under there? Did he need a bloody bandage? Shit, man...all you gotta do is roll that bandage on the dead bodies, right?

10. I Kings 21:8-10

8 So she wrote letters in Ahab’s name and sealed them with his seal, and she sent the letters to the elders and the leaders who lived with Naboth in his city.

9 And she wrote in the letters, “Proclaim a fast, and set Naboth at the head of the people.

10 And set two worthless men opposite him, and let them bring a charge against him, saying, ‘You have cursed God and the king.’ Then take him out and stone him to death.

Questions

     1) God essentially did the same thing to Pharaoh when He robbed Pharaoh's free will and made him do shit he wouldn't have done BUT for what God did, so how is this any less acceptable?

     2) Is it not acceptable because God didn't do it?

11. I Kings 21:27-29

27 And when Ahab heard those words, he tore his clothes and put sackcloth on his flesh and fasted and lay in sackcloth and went about dejectedly.

28 And the word of the LORD came to Elijah the Tishbite, saying,

29 “Have you seen how Ahab has humbled himself before me? Because he has humbled himself before me, I will not bring the disaster in his days; but in his son’s days I will bring the disaster upon his house.”

Questions

     1) Ahhh...so is what we have here another case of one person paying for another's sin, hummm? Sooo...the son will get to pay?

     2) And what the hell does Ahab expect to help by tearing his clothing, dumping dirt on his head, starving himself, and going about with a long face? Has it REALLY worked for anyone before? Does he really think God gives a flying fuck whether or not he is happy or sad?

12. I Kings 22:10

10 King Ahab of Israel and King Jehoshaphat of Judah, dressed in their royal robes, were sitting on thrones at the threshing floor near the gate of Samaria. All of Ahab's prophets were prophesying there in front of them.

Questions

     1) I wonder what the hell kind of noise was made with all of the prophets there going on at once, right? I mean, were they ALL sounding like they were speaking in tongues like that Kenneth Hagin moron, or what?

13. I Kings 22:38

38 And they washed the chariot by the pool of Samaria, and the dogs licked up his blood, and the prostitutes washed themselves in it, according to the word of the LORD that he had spoken.

Questions

     1) Why so degrading? Does it make God feel that much better about Himself?

14. I Kings 22:40

40 So Ahab slept with his fathers, and Ahaziah his son reigned in his place.

Questions

     1) Ahab slept with his fathers? You mean like Jimmy Hoffa and Davey Jones sleep with the fishes?

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