I Kings Part VI: Just a Few Questions

Just a Spoonful of Religion Helps the Mayhem Go Down

What better way can the absurdities of religion be explained than through the bloodshot, jaundiced eyes of the Bible, hummm? I mean, the Bible makes SO much sense of everything that goes on in the world every day, right? The Bible explains terrorists, wars, famines, plagues, judgments, mega floods, tsunamis, genocide, sin...all of the bad things in the world are defined by the Bible, made easier to understand by what the Bible says.

You no longer have to worry about why psychopathic religious zealots aim to kill the Infidel people of a country known as the Great Satan by flying loaded airliners into buildings. You no longer have to worry about why some spiritual nutcase convinces his followers to release a lethal toxin in a loaded subway terminal. You no longer have to worry about a fledgling economy, a polluted ocean, melting glaciers, sinkholes that tear the earth a mouth and swallow houses whole, or outbreaks of Ebola. The WHOLE THING is all a very special plan conceived and contrived by none other than God.

So, when things in life are haywire and crazy some people who are believers experience or are part of or witness bad crap happening, and when as a result of such they are posed with questions asking where this all-powerful loving God was when the poo-poo hit the fan, what do they say? It is ALL a plot of God. This is how many Christians/believers cope with mayhem, tragedy they cannot understand, right? They just grab a couple Bible verses and confidently announce whatever is happening is from God. Why is there war? God. Why is there abuse? God. Whatever mayhem God has created, no worries. The Bible says God will fix it. 

That's right. Apparently God is trying like hell to teach mankind the lessons needed in order to get into heaven upon death, and the best proof of this is the Bible. Look at the freaky-doo crap God/the LORD is responsible for and then consider His reasoning: I'm just trying to save man. 

So whenever Christians cannot explain away something that challenges their belief system or something that scares them they automatically claim they are being tested by God, that whatever craziness is going on it is all part of God's/the LORD's will to bring the Kingdom of God back to earth. Then in an effort to validate the claims of God's wacko plan some people crack open their Bible and happily begin to point out all the times in the Bible (especially Old Testament) where God/the LORD's  victories came by way of totally senseless messages from God in some form or other, right?

People don't want to think that much in the world is their fault and their best diversion is religion...

....It is all a plot by God/the LORD, right? If the world is falling apart, cracking in two, it really doesn't matter because the Bible says it is God's plan. As you read these verses and questions I want you to think about how some of those who believe in God behave when something screwy in their personal life or in the world happens, and they do not understand it. Instead of looking into themselves to consider what should be changed they say it is God's plan. 

And a surprising number of people are happy with that. I do not understand this. The ridiculousness of these verses is so bizarre you would never in a million years want Whoever wrote or inspired them to plan anything in your life, would you? I don't care what the mayhem may be or why the mayhem may be. Forget taking a spoonful of any of this craziness.

1. I Kings 14:1

1 At that time Abijah the son of Jeroboam fell sick.

2 And Jeroboam said to his wife, “Arise, and disguise yourself, that it not be known that you are the wife of Jeroboam, and go to Shiloh. Behold, Ahijah the prophet is there, who said of me that I should be king over this people.

3 Take with you ten loaves, some cakes, and a jar of honey, and go to him. He will tell you what shall happen to the child.”

4 Jeroboam’s wife did so. She arose and went to Shiloh and came to the house of Ahijah. Now Ahijah could not see, for his eyes were dim because of his age.

5 And the LORD said to Ahijah, “Behold, the wife of Jeroboam is coming to inquire of you concerning her son, for he is sick. Thus and thus shall you say to her.” When she came, she pretended to be another woman.

6 But when Ahijah heard the sound of her feet, as she came in at the door, he said, “Come in, wife of Jeroboam. Why do you pretend to be another? For I am charged with unbearable news for you.

Questions
     1) Sooo...this woman knew this guy was a prophet, a person who possessed a gift/power to discern things many people would not, and decides to try to trick him into thinking she is some other woman? This woman and her husband thought this was a GOOD plan?

2. I Kings 14:8
8 I ripped the kingdom away from the family of David and gave it to you. But you have not been like my servant David, who obeyed my commands and followed me with all his heart and always did whatever I wanted.

9 but you have done evil above all who were before you and have gone and made for yourself other gods and metal images, provoking me to anger, and have cast me behind your back,

Questions
     1) Why is God complaining that He has been cast behind someone's back? Doesn't He remember what He did to the prophet in the previous chapter when He purposely set Him up for failure? What did God do to the prophet He killed in that story, hummm? He LEFT the prophet's carcass cast upon the road like garbage, right? God has NO business scolding man, for man is not perfect (according to God) and thus is prone to mistake and ill behavior, BUT GOD is perfect (well, supposed to be perfect) and HE is the One casting the most valuable and precious things (like life and people) hither and thither as though He didn't give a damn, correct?

3. I Kings 14:10
10 I will bring disaster on your dynasty and will destroy every one of your male descendants, slave and free alike, anywhere in Israel. I will burn up your royal dynasty as one burns up trash until it is all gone.

11 Anyone belonging to Jeroboam who dies in the city the dogs shall eat, and anyone who dies in the open country the birds of the heavens shall eat, for the LORD has spoken it.”’

12 Arise therefore, go to your house. When your feet enter the city, the child shall die.

Questions
     1) Anyone for a nice warm cup of suffer the little children unto me?

     2) Oh look! Verse ten very clearly conveys God's willful treatment of human beings as trash, correct?

     3) Why is God punishing more than just the person who did the wrong? Isn't this unjust?

     4) The child will die when she re-enters the city? Sooo...this woman comes to this holy man to inquire of the holy man, right? This man can intercede on behalf of the people and ask God for help, and God can certainly heal the child, but what does He do?

     5) Why does God withhold healing from the child as punishment for the deeds of the child's father? Is that balanced justice?

4. I Kings 14:13
13 All Israel will mourn for him and bury him. He is the only member of your family who will have a proper burial, for this child is the only good thing that the LORD, the God of Israel, sees in the entire family of Jeroboam.

Questions
     1) Sooo...the child is actually a GOOD person/being BUT this apparently means crap to God Who is intent on making somebody die for what the child's father has done?

     2) You know, when Jesus dies on the cross He also had done nothing, correct?

     3) When God mentions acceptable sacrifice in the Bible it is always blemish-free, isn't it? Always, right? Whatever is sacrificed must be in a state of perfection and innocence, correct?

     4) How many times in the Bible are innocent children put to death, or threatened to be put to death? I mean, Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac, Pharaoh supposedly drowned the Hebrew babies that were boys in the River Nile, King Herod ordered oodles of babies killed in an effort to kill the newborn King of the Jews, children and infants were regularly killed by the warring people of Israel in the Old Testament, and surely you have not forgotten any of the children or infants murdered by God during the Flood...seriously, are you surprised with what God does here to this child?

     5) God has the nerve to detest the people who pass their children to the flames of Molek, but throughout the Bible God sacrifices children and it is okay? How does this work? Another 'God works in mysterious ways' thing that mere mortals have trouble understanding?

     6) Sooo...if God knew all of this crap was going to happen before He even laid the foundations of the earth...err, actually He planned it all...can't it be argued that God is guilty of first degree murder, on a massive scale at that?

5. I Kings 14:21
21 Meanwhile, Rehoboam son of Solomon was king in Judah. He was forty-one years old when he became king, and he reigned seventeen years in Jerusalem, the city the LORD had chosen from among all the tribes of Israel as the place to honor his name. Rehoboam's mother was Naamah, an Ammonite woman.

Questions
     1) Exactly what does the LORD/God mean by saying He specifically picked Jerusalem from all of Israel to hold His name? Does He mean AFTER the people of Israel took possession of the city of Jerusalem that the LORD/God choose it as the city to carry His name?

     2) The city of Jerusalem wasn't originally among the people of Israel, was it? Who originally founded the city of Jerusalem, the forefathers of Abraham OR the proto-Canaanites? What does the archeology say about it?

6. I Kings 14:26
26 He took away the treasures of the house of the LORD and the treasures of the king’s house. He took away everything. He also took away all the shields of gold that Solomon had made,

Questions
     1) The treasures of the house of the LORD/God belong to God/the LORD, correct? How does one take what belongs to God? Wouldn't taking something from God, even for the length of time of a second, wouldn't that taking from God indicate He CAN be beaten or defeated, that He isn't so goddamn powerful after all?

7. I Kings 15:3
3 And he walked in all the sins that his father did before him, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father.

Questions
   1) Why does the Bible continue to assert that David was true to the LORD/God? Didn't David kill, steal, covet his neighbor's wife, commit adultery, lie, gave false witness...I mean the guy was a trainwreck when it came to following the Ten Commandments, right?

   2) Sooo...tell me again HOW David was true to the LORD, because so far you have shown nothing. I suppose you could say that David was true to the LORD in the sense that the LORD says everyone sins and BOY oh BOY did David sin, or what?

8. I Kings 15: 5
5 For David had done what was pleasing in the LORD's sight and had obeyed the LORD's commands throughout his life, except in the affair concerning Uriah the Hittite.

Questions
     1) Well, this is very interesting, isn't it? Sooo...the only thing that went wrong for David was the Bathsheba debacle? I don't think so. Remember when David got into trouble for taking the census, amongst other things?

9. I Kings 15:7
7 The rest of the events in Abijam's reign and everything he did are recorded in [The Book of the History of the Kings of Judah.] There was constant war between Abijam and Jeroboam.

Questions
     1) Shouldn't this verse say something more along the lines of Where the LORD/God is, so is there also perpetual war?

    2) Explain to me HOW all of the war and misfortune and sorrow and disaster and destruction that God/the LORD so generously piles upon those who aimlessly follow Him fits into a grand plan to express divine love for man from God?

    3) I don't understand why this great, mega-powerful God chooses to show love through death and destruction, sadistic situations, and perverse punishments when He has the power and ability to show His love...through love, do you?

10. I Kings 15:12
12 He put away the male cult prostitutes out of the land and removed all the idols that his fathers had made.

Questions
     1) Sooo...did they keep the female prostitutes? Why only get rid of the males?

11. I Kings 15:14
14 Although the pagan shrines were not removed, Asa's heart remained completely faithful to the LORD throughout his life. 

Questions
     1) Sooo...the idols were NOT gone but he remained faithful? How does that work? Didn't the LORD/God say to Jacob in the book of Genesis to have his family remove all of the idols and purify themselves? Sooo...again, if the idols are not removed how is this guy completely faithful to the LORD?

     2) Isn't this verse like saying, Sure, I enjoy two packs of cigarettes a week, but I'm a dedicated non-smoker?

12. I Kings 15:26
26 He did what was evil in the sight of the LORD and walked in the way of his father, and in his sin which he made Israel to sin.

Questions
     1) Clearly this man did not make Israel sin, right? God needs to pay a little more attention to the stuff He says, correct? Didn't God say that man sins continually/is born into sin/cannot help but to sin? Sin IS a given with man, correct? Considering that, isn't it absolutely retarded for God or any of God's personalities to claim that any one person or group of people made anyone else to sin?

13. I Kings 16:1-2
1 And the word of the LORD came to Jehu the son of Hanani against Baasha, saying,

2 “Since I exalted you out of the dust and made you leader over my people Israel, and you have walked in the way of Jeroboam and have made my people Israel to sin, provoking me to anger with their sins,

3 So now I will destroy you and your family, just as I destroyed the descendants of Jeroboam son of Nebat.

Questions
     1) Dude, the LORD/God seriously needs to get a different line that He uses as an excuse to play murderous games with His chosen people, right? The "I Chose Him But Look How He Turned Out" game is so goddamn old it is no longer interesting, correct? Besides, we all know that in reality God knew all along that whoever botched up was going to botch up. Does God really think He can get away with pretending like He was an innocent bystander Who was hoping against hope that His choice of man would turn out to be a good one?


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I Kings Part III: Just a Few Questions

THAT was Quick

Sooo...what do you think of the book of I Kings so far? Pretty interesting, isn't it? And while on the surface it does seem like God's people are finally getting on the right track what does God/the LORD do to His people? He pulls a General Sherman and rips the tracks right up before those using the track have a chance to respond or resituate. How very thoughtful of Senor El Shaddai. 

We pick up where we left off for the questions of I Kings in chapter nine. Enjoy.

1. I Kings 9:1-3

1 As soon as Solomon had finished building the house of the LORD and the king’s house and all that Solomon desired to build,

2 the LORD appeared to Solomon a second time, as he had appeared to him at Gibeon.

3 And the LORD said to him, “I have heard your prayer and your plea, which you have made before me. I have consecrated this house that you have built, by putting my name there forever. My eyes and my heart will be there for all time.

Questions
     1) Why does God claim He wants all men to know Him, but then He very rarely shows Himself to anyone?

     2) What are some of the excuses offered by believers that are intended to explain away the inconsistencies surrounding God's supposed omnipresence (kinda like the wind, right? You can hear it and feel it, but cannot see it)? Some believers hold that the reason God very rarely shows Himself is because people are supposed to believe in God out of faith and not out of literally seeing God. The part about believing out of faith, WITHOUT any sign and encouragement, meant that you totally trusted God and were therefore saved from hell.

But if God wants people to believe in Him out of pure, unadulterated faith straight from the heart of the individual...WHY is He always telling the people they have to do it His way, or else? They have to choose God/the LORD, or else? Doesn't this qualify as negative encouragement to get people to follow God, and wouldn't such show people are not believing out of trust but out of fear?

2. I Kings 9:4

4 And as for you, if you will walk before me, as David your father walked, with integrity of heart and uprightness, doing according to all that I have commanded you, and keeping my statutes and my rules,

Questions

     1) King David walked with integrity and uprightness? Sooo...was David's murdering Uriah uprightness and his taking of Bathsheba integrity...or was it the other way around?

3. I Kings 9:6-9

6 But if you turn aside from following me, you or your children, and do not keep my commandments and my statutes that I have set before you, but go and serve other gods and worship them,

7 then I will cut off Israel from the land that I have given them, and the house that I have consecrated for my name I will cast out of my sight, and Israel will become a proverb and a byword among all peoples.

8 And this house will become a heap of ruins. Everyone passing by it will be astonished and will hiss, and they will say, ‘Why has the LORD done thus to this land and to this house?’

9 Then they will say, ‘Because they abandoned the LORD their God who brought their fathers out of the land of Egypt and laid hold on other gods and worshiped them and served them. Therefore the LORD has brought all this disaster on them.’”

Questions
     1) Here we go again with God/the LORD making stupid and pointless threats again, right? If you turn aside from me? If you do not keep my commandments? Come on, God, You KNOW the people cannot help but to sin, meaning, they will never be able to hold up their end of the covenant. You KNOW this but You keep making covenants with these people?

     2) Does God's/the LORD's persistence to create meaningless/impossible covenants despite His knowledge of man's proclivity to sin unceasingly indicate lying on some level or other?

     3) If man does not know, if man is ignorant of the fact that he will never be able to stop sinning and thus will always be deserving of God's judgments, and if God knows that man does not know...isn't that sneakiness, trickery, and lying?

     4) Has God/the LORD ever stopped to listen to how He sounds when He is talking to people? Does He pay attention to the things He says? Isn't He more or less saying that the people had better believe in Him and if they do not He WILL hurt them?

4. I Kings 9:20-22

20 As for all the people who were left of the Amorites, the Hittites, the Perizzites, the Hivites and the Jebusites, who were not of the sons of Israel,

21 their descendants who were left after them in the land, whom the people of Israel were unable to devote to destruction—these Solomon drafted to be slaves, and so they are to this day.

22 But of the people of Israel Solomon made no slaves. They were the soldiers, they were his officials, his commanders, his captains, his chariot commanders and his horsemen.

Questions
     1) Solomon made NO slaves of the people of Israel?

     2) Don't the people of Israel use a conscription program to stock their military with people?

     3) Isn't that forcing people to serve in the military?

     4) Is forcing someone against their will to enter the military so that they might fight for the king...well, isn't that the same as slavery? And remember, this is conscription and not a draft.

5. I Kings 10:23-29
23 So King Solomon became greater than all the kings of the earth in riches and in wisdom.

24 And the whole earth sought the presence of Solomon to hear his wisdom, which God had put into his mind.

25 Every one of them brought his present, articles of silver and gold, garments, myrrh, spices, horses, and mules, so much year by year.

26 And Solomon gathered together chariots and horsemen. He had 1,400 chariots and 12,000 horsemen, whom he stationed in the chariot cities and with the king in Jerusalem.

27 And the king made silver as common in Jerusalem as stone, and he made cedar as plentiful as the sycamore of the Shephelah.

28 And Solomon’s import of horses was from Egypt and Kue, and the king’s traders received them from Kue at a price.

29 A chariot could be imported from Egypt for 600 shekels of silver and a horse for 150, and so through the king’s traders they were exported to all the kings of the Hittites and the kings of Syria.

Questions
     1) Sooo...the verses do say here that the kings of the whole earth sought the presence of Solomon so that they may hear his words of wisdom? The whole earth?

     2) Sooo...the Bible does say the 'whole earth' and we are supposed to take the Bible as literal truth, correct? Would you be so kind as to tell me what kings or representatives or leaders from, say...North and South American, Australian, and Arctic peoples traveled wayyy over to Solomon just to jaw on for a spell, hummm?

     3) Sooo...are the people of Israel back on good speaking terms with the Egyptians since there seems to be some significant trading/purchasing in war materials?

     4) Considering what supposedly went down in Egypt when the people of Israel left...do you really think the Egyptians would sell chariots and top of the line horses to the same people who were supposedly responsible for Egypt's loss of its entire army of chariots and footmen?

6. I Kings 11:1-3
1 Now King Solomon loved many foreign women, along with the daughter of Pharaoh: Moabite, Ammonite, Edomite, Sidonian, and Hittite women,

2 from the nations concerning which the LORD had said to the people of Israel, “You shall not enter into marriage with them, neither shall they with you, for surely they will turn away your heart after their gods.” Solomon clung to these in love.

3 He had 700 wives, princesses, and 300 concubines. And his wives turned away his heart.

Questions
     1) Read that verse two there, would you? Nice little snippy tone to it, right? You know it sounds suspiciously like those over-the-top, uber-zealous Muslims who swear by Whoever they worship that the daughters of the Great Satan are infidels (and we ALL know what happens with that version of God and infidels, right?

     2) What makes this version in the Bible any better, hummm?

     3) Isn't this a fine example of God using religion and faith as weapons specifically intended to draw lines of separation between peoples and cultures?

     4) Seven hundred wives and three hundred concubines? Yikes!! Do you think King Solomon spent a good portion of his time tending to his over-used, very likely sore sex pistol?

7. I Kings 11:7-8
7 Then Solomon built a high place for Chemosh the abomination of Moab, and for Molech the abomination of the Ammonites, on the mountain east of Jerusalem.

8 And so he did for all his foreign wives, who made offerings and sacrificed to their gods.

Questions
     1) Sooo...here we find the need to ask why it is okay to butcher animals and give them to the God of the people of Israel, but the same cannot be done for other gods? WHY? And don't just say some abomination bullshit, either. Just tell me when and why God decided killing animals and burning their carcasses in supplication to the mighty invisible was a good idea?

8. I Kings 11:9-11
9 And the LORD was angry with Solomon, because his heart had turned away from the LORD, the God of Israel, who had appeared to him twice

10 and had commanded him concerning this thing, that he should not go after other gods. But he did not keep what the LORD commanded.

11 Therefore the LORD said to Solomon, “Since this has been your practice and you have not kept my covenant and my statutes that I have commanded you, I will surely tear the kingdom from you and will give it to your servant.

Questions
     1) Aha...the LORD is miffed that HE feels like HE went out of His way to show Himself to Solomon, and now Solomon has wandering eyes? Did the LORD really think appearing twice was enough to tip the scales in His favor? Look at all the shit He does to the people! ON PURPOSE! And He wonders why people run the other way?

     2) The LORD/God seems absolutely happy and ready and willing to do anything for the chance to give people something great, and then right when they think they have something good He takes great and sadistic pleasure in ripping whatever He gave right out of the hands of those He gave it to, right?

9. I Kings 11:12-13
12 Yet for the sake of David your father I will not do it in your days, but I will tear it out of the hand of your son.

13 However, I will not tear away all the kingdom, but I will give one tribe to your son, for the sake of David my servant and for the sake of Jerusalem that I have chosen.”

Questions
     1) For the sake of Solomon's father? Doesn't the LORD know that David is dead? Does the LORD really think David would give a shit when the guy has been long dead?

     2) You DO see how this sadistic fuck tries to get Solomon where it hurts, right? What does He say to Solomon? I will tear it out of the hands of your son? How would you feel as a parent if someone told you that after you die they are going to take revenge on your child for something that YOU did, not something they did? What kind of fear and sorrow would that put in your heart as you worry day after day for your child? Pretty sick, isn't it?

10. I Kings 11:14-18
14 And the LORD raised up an adversary against Solomon, Hadad the Edomite. He was of the royal house in Edom.

15 For when David was in Edom, and Joab the commander of the army went up to bury the slain, he struck down every male in Edom

16 (for Joab and all Israel remained there six months, until he had cut off every male in Edom).

17 But Hadad fled to Egypt, together with certain Edomites of his father’s servants, Hadad still being a little child.

18 They set out from Midian and came to Paran and took men with them from Paran and came to Egypt, to Pharaoh king of Egypt, who gave him a house and assigned him an allowance of food and gave him land.

Questions
     1) Well well WELL! What have we here but God once again frigging with the free will of people by making them fight, right?

     2) Doesn't the verse say that the LORD raised up an adversary?

     3) Does the verse say that an adversary arose on his own?

     4) Sooo...God has purposely set fire to the barn. Isn't that just wonderful? Is this something an honest, truthful, loving, kind God would do?

11. I Kings 11:23-25
23 God also raised up as an adversary to him, Rezon the son of Eliada, who had fled from his master Hadadezer king of Zobah.

24 And he gathered men about him and became leader of a marauding band, after the killing by David. And they went to Damascus and lived there and made him king in Damascus.

25 He was an adversary of Israel all the days of Solomon, doing harm as Hadad did. And he loathed Israel and reigned over Syria.

Questions
     1) Oh, look! God was in SUCH a generous mood that He decided to go all out and raise up yet another adversary? Wow. God must not have remembered that part toward the beginning of I Kings where it said Solomon had rest on every side and there was peace, right?

     2) These verses totally sound like a slightly tweaked version of the Hagar/Ishmael story, don't they? The childless father, rooked out of his birthright, rewarded with a half ass blessing that was far more about misery and struggle than anything positive, the angst, the hatred...seriously?

12. I Kings 11:26
26 Another rebel leader was Jeroboam son of Nebat, one of Solomon's own officials. He came from the town of Zeredah in Ephraim, and his mother was Zeruah, a widow.

Questions
     1) Does God arrange shit like this because He figures that when people 'do wrong' the best way to get back at them is to strike the people they are closest to?

     2) And God knows it is even better if it is a person the sinner really, really trusts and relies upon, correct? And it doesn't matter whether or not the people had a reason to fight, because the LORD always helps with that, right?

13. I Kings 11:28
28 The man Jeroboam was very able, and when Solomon saw that the young man was industrious he gave him charge over all the forced labor of the house of Joseph.

Questions
     1) I thought the Israelites were not the ones forced into labor, and now they are? Wait, do you mean the people living WITH the tribe of Joseph were forced into labor?

     2) Is this another one of those nonsense verses in the Bible that just don't freaking add up, and that people simply pass of as the mysteriousness of God/the LORD and the ways in which He works?

14. I Kings 11:34-36
34 Nevertheless, I will not take the whole kingdom out of his hand, but I will make him ruler all the days of his life, for the sake of David my servant whom I chose, who kept my commandments and my statutes.

35 But I will take the kingdom out of his son’s hand and will give it to you, ten tribes.

36 Yet to his son I will give one tribe, that David my servant may always have a lamp before me in Jerusalem, the city where I have chosen to put my name.

Questions
     1) Why does God keep saying King David kept His commandments when David very clearly broke damn near every single commandment with what he did with Uriah and Bathsheba?

     2) That my servant may always have a lamp before me in Jerusalem? Seriously? Have you seen Jerusalem on the news and heard about all the constant bickering and fighting and killing...fucking people STILL not getting along? Christ! That place is a friggin lamp? With all of the people behaving like they only think in the goddamn dark, with all of the bombings and grenade attacks, all of the riots and protests, and intermittent smoke billowing up from destruction...geeze, it is more like a LUMP, right?

15. I Kings  11-37-38
37 And I will take you, and you shall reign over all that your soul desires, and you shall be king over Israel.

38 And if you will listen to all that I command you, and will walk in my ways, and do what is right in my eyes by keeping my statutes and my commandments, as David my servant did, I will be with you and will build you a sure house, as I built for David, and I will give Israel to you.

Questions
     1) When God says He will 'take you' do you think it could possibly mean that in the sense of a 'con-man' He will take you for a long ride to nowhere where you eventually either starve to fucking death or die of thirst?

     2) If you walk in my ways? Is God high? If everyone walked in His ways the human race would have disappeared a long ass time ago, right?

     3) And WHY is God so freaking persistent in saying that King David walked in His ways when that is simply not true and there is irrefutable evidence of it NOT being true?


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Joshua Part I: Just a Few Questions

Finally Through the Pentateuch

Yay! We have finally made it through the first five books of the Bible and all of the questions related to those books. Whew. THAT...was an ordeal. Now we will move onto the rest of the Old Testament. The very first book after Deuteronomy is Joshua.

Joshua 1:2-3

2 Moses my servant is dead. Therefore, the time has come for you to lead these people, the Israelites, across the Jordan River into the land I am giving them.

3 I promise you what I promised Moses: 'Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you--

Questions
     1) Do you see something wrong with these verses? Moses is now dead, right? And, Moses died before he could realize the promise that God gave to the people of Israel in regards to the promised land, correct? Why didn't Moses ever see the fruition of God's promise, hummm? Why did it seem like when the people of Israel were this close to getting to the promised land that God found a way out of the promise He gave to Moses?

     2) Joshua, you do realize that the promise God is giving you is the very same promise He gave to Moses? You do realize that Moses never received this promise from God, right? You DO realize that now you are working with God you had best watch your back lest God hamstring you for some teeny mistake you make, right?

Joshua 1:4

4 from the Negev wilderness in the south to the Lebanon mountains in the north, from the Euphrates River in the east to the Mediterranean Sea in the west, including all the land of the Hittites.'

Questions
     1) Do you know where the boundaries of this location is? Go to a map, or better yet get on the Internet and look it all up. Now, supposedly the Israelites are back in the promised land, right? When Israel finally became a nation and up to this point now in history there have been (and still are) plenty of Christians who claim that since God's people are back in the promised land that the time of Christ's return is imminent. Really? How can this be when present day Israel is nowhere near the size of the boundaries mentioned in the Bible?

     2) If the measurements of modern-day Israel are nowhere near the boundaries mentioned in the Bible and PROMISED BY GOD how in the hell can Christians sit there and make all of these claims that prophecy is being fulfilled? How can you fulfill the prophecy without first fulfilling the promise? God's people STILL don't have what He promised so how can the assessment of Christ's supposed return to earth be accurate?

Joshua 1:5

5 No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.

Questions
     1) Do you recall how God was with Moses, how God interacted with and treated His promises to Moses? God sought for a way to revoke His promise to Moses. God is all-knowing and so He KNEW full well that Moses would hit that rock instead of speaking to it, and God also knew why Moses did this and that it was out of frustration and feeling that he had zero control of a very crappy situation. Did God counsel Moses on this? God will be with you as He was with Moses? That isn't very comforting now, is it? And how in the blazing blue does God say He won't fail or abandon when this is exactly what God did to Moses?

Joshua 1:6

6 Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them.

Questions
     1) So far as we have come to this point in the Bible...HOW many people has God made this promise of a promised land to, and how long is this promise supposed to take before God actually follows through on his end? How many generations have passed since the first uttering of this promise?

     2) Why does God insist on making these promises to people that He never intends will actually see or enjoy this grand promise?

Joshua 1:9

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

Questions
     1) The LORD is with you wherever you go? Really? Shouldn't it be something more like the LORD will drag you wherever He wishes for you to go? He drags the people of Israel to Egypt where they are supposedly enslaved for 430 years during which the people are treated poorly, at one point having their male children murdered by being thrown into the Nile...and the LORD was with them?

     2) Sooo...meandering around the desert for forty friggin' years is no sweat, right? Because God is with you? Or maybe you really mean because God is the one who put you there in the boonies on purpose...so be strong and show some courage, is that it? Is that the price of the LORD being with you wherever you go, that He can take you and put you wherever He wants EVEN IF IT IS TERRIBLE?

Joshua 1:11

11 Go through the camp and tell the people to get their provisions ready. In three days you will cross the Jordan River and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you."

Questions
     1) Isn't what really should be said here something more along the lines of, "Get ready. In three days we will go and take everything from the people who are already living in this land," and don't forget that in all of this TAKING authorized by God the people of Israel will be taking the lives of the inhabitants of the land as well?

Joshua 1:18

18 Anyone who rebels against your orders and does not obey your words and everything you command will be put to death. So be strong and courageous!"

Questions
     1) Say, didn't Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Pol Pot, Pablo Escobar, and actually quite a few others have this very same approach?

Joshua 2:11
11 No wonder our hearts have melted in fear! No one has the courage to fight after hearing such things. For the LORD your God is the supreme God of the heavens above and the earth below.

Questions
     1) Do you notice that the acknowledgement of God as great and powerful has nothing to do with the grand nature of His love, but rather the intense nature of His hate and the mean and terrible things He does to people or that He gets His people to do to other people?

     2) Do you think that it is not so much that God is supreme in the heavens above and the earth below so much as it is God is absolutely willing to do absolutely ANYTHING to get whatever it is that He wants, whether that means kill women and children, trick men into lowering their guard and then killing them, taking what is not His own, and absolutely every horror conceivable?


Joshua 3:17
17 Meanwhile, the priests who were carrying the Ark of the LORD's Covenant stood on dry ground in the middle of the riverbed as the people passed by. They waited there until the whole nation of Israel had crossed the Jordan on dry ground.

Questions
     1) Sooo...is the ark of the covenant what is controlling the flow of the water? Does that mean the ark is a machine of some sort?

     2) Where did the design of this machine come from, God? If God is God of everything and controls everything WHY would He need a machine?

     3) Did God explain to His people that this was a machine and there were scientific reasons why it did what it did? Did God NOT tell the people about the truth of the ark machine because He wanted them to continue to be mystified and think that this being God really was God?

     4) Sooo...the ENTIRE nation of Israel crosses at this point in the Jordan? How many people crossed? How long did this take? The way it is written in the above verses it really makes it sound like it was pretty quick.


Joshua 4:4-7, 9
4 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had chosen--one from each of the tribes of Israel.
  
5 He told them, "Go into the middle of the Jordan, in front of the Ark of the LORD your God. Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on your shoulder--twelve stones in all, one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel.

6 We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, 'What do these stones mean?'

7 Then you can tell them, 'They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the LORD's Covenant went across.' These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever."

9 Joshua also set up another pile of twelve stones in the middle of the Jordan, at the place where the priests who carried the Ark of the Covenant were standing. And they are there to this day.

Questions
     1) Sooo...if the stones are supposed to be a lasting memorial for all time...are these stone still where they are supposed to be?

     2) Are these stones mentioned in these scriptures still serving as a visible memorial to the people of Israel? Are they the very same stones? No one at all has changed the stones?

     3) If these stones, the ORIGINAL stones are no longer at this place mentioned in the verses, and if these verses are in this book called the HOLY BIBLE that is supposed to be the absolute truth, and if these words are supposed to be the very words of God, and if the Word of God is never wrong and never faulty and never fades, and if these verses say that the stone markers serve as a memorial for the people of Israel FOREVER...what does this say about the infallibility of the Word of God (the Bible) and its lasting truth?

     4) Okay, we know that according to the Bible man is born into sin and thus from the very beginning man finds that human life is riddled with error, poor decisions (even if on accident), and intensely terrible situations. Then you have this ultimate divine being, God, Who cares so much for and has done so much for His people and they love Him right back so very much that God finds it necessary to find ways to remind His people how very great He is?

     5) Is God's care really so perfect and so great that it is even believable that ANYONE on the receiving end of that greatness would ever find themselves forgetting the love and the glory and the peace, yada-yada plucka-plucka, of the LORD?

     6) Why does God often focus on the terrible punishments He has smashed His people with in an effort to remind them of God's care? Why doesn't He insist on reminding them of the beauty and love He represents? Is it because He rarely shows beauty and love to begin with?

Joshua 4:14
14 That day the LORD made Joshua a great leader in the eyes of all the Israelites, and for the rest of his life they revered him as much as they had revered Moses.

Questions
     1) Well, if the people are responding to Joshua in the same manner as they did Moses, well then Joshua would be screwed, right? How can it be said that the people revered Moses when all they did was complain to him about pretty much everything and caused problem after problem?

     2) Are complaining and causing problems consistent with expressing reverence towards any individual or group?


Joshua 5:13-15
13 When Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, a man was standing before him with his drawn sword in his hand. And Joshua went to him and said to him, “Are you for us, or for our adversaries?”

14 And he said, “No; but I am the commander of the army of the LORD. Now I have come.” And Joshua fell on his face to the earth and worshiped and said to him, “What does my lord say to his servant?”

15 And the commander of the LORD’s army said to Joshua, “Take off your sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so.

Questions
     1) If this angel of the LORD is FOR the people of God why the hell is his sword drawn?

     2) Wouldn't the LORD/God be the commander of His own army? Why is an angel running things? Is God too busy with running the rest of the universe?

     3) If God/the LORD is everywhere then why did the LORD send a commander angel when due to His omni-presence the LORD would already be present?


Joshua 6:19
19 But all silver and gold, and every vessel of bronze and iron, are holy to the LORD; they shall go into the treasury of the LORD.”

Questions
     1) Why does God/the LORD need the metals mentioned here?

     2) Why does the LORD have a treasury here on earth when the Bible says in Matthew 6:19, "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,"?


Joshua 6:21
21 Then they devoted all in the city to destruction, both men and women, young and old, oxen, sheep, and donkeys, with the edge of the sword.

Questions
     1) How does a God of ultimate love command those who follow Him to devote themselves to the utter destruction of something, to include people?


Joshua 6:25
25 But Rahab the prostitute and her father’s household and all who belonged to her, Joshua saved alive. And she has lived in Israel to this day, because she hid the messengers whom Joshua sent to spy out Jericho.

Questions
     1) In what capacity is Rahab still in Israel today? Are her descendants prostitutes?


Joshua 6:27
27 So the LORD was with Joshua, and his fame was in all the land.

Questions
     1) Loads of present day preachers drone on and on of how God does not give a hoot about fame and fortune and all of such things, if anything finding them to be detestable. Sooo...this was not the same in Joshua's time?

     2) If God never changes and His Word stands forever WHY is God's approach to fame seemingly different in Joshua's time as opposed to present day? 


Joshua 7:1, 12
1 But the people of Israel broke faith in regard to the devoted things, for Achan the son of Carmi, son of Zabdi, son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took some of the devoted things. And the anger of the LORD burned against the people of Israel.

12 Therefore the people of Israel cannot stand before their enemies. They turn their backs before their enemies, because they have become devoted for destruction. I will be with you no more, unless you destroy the devoted things from among you.

Questions
     1) Sooo...this one guy does something that is contrary to what God decrees and God decides the right thing to do would be to get angry with everyone?

     2) What is God's justification for penalizing the non-guilty?


Joshua 7:23-26
23 And they took them out of the tent and brought them to Joshua and to all the people of Israel. And they laid them down before the LORD.

24 And Joshua and all Israel with him took Achan the son of Zerah, and the silver and the cloak and the bar of gold, and his sons and daughters and his oxen and donkeys and sheep and his tent and all that he had. And they brought them up to the Valley of Achor.

25 And Joshua said, “Why did you bring trouble on us? The LORD brings trouble on you today.” And all Israel stoned him with stones. They burned them with fire and stoned them with stones.

26 And they raised over him a great heap of stones that remains to this day. Then the LORD turned from his burning anger. Therefore, to this day the name of that place is called the Valley of Achor.

Questions
     1) This man takes what he was not supposed to take and his ENTIRE family must pay with their lives and all of their possessions?


Joshua 8:1-2
1 And the LORD said to Joshua, “Do not fear and do not be dismayed. Take all the fighting men with you, and arise, go up to Ai. See, I have given into your hand the king of Ai, and his people, his city, and his land.

2 And you shall do to Ai and its king as you did to Jericho and its king. Only its spoil and its livestock you shall take as plunder for yourselves. Lay an ambush against the city, behind it.”

Questions
     1) Sooo...the LORD is ordering His people to commit genocide, but this time around He is going to allow them to keep the possessions belonging to the people they murdered?


Joshua 8:16-17, 19
16 So all the people who were in the city were called together to pursue them, and as they pursued Joshua they were drawn away from the city.

17 Not a man was left in Ai or Bethel who did not go out after Israel. They left the city open and pursued Israel.

19 And the men in the ambush rose quickly out of their place, and as soon as he had stretched out his hand, they ran and entered the city and captured it. And they hurried to set the city on fire.

Questions
     1) Doesn't this sound like something General George A. Custer would have done?


Joshua 8:24-27
24 When Israel had finished killing all the inhabitants of Ai in the open wilderness where they pursued them, and all of them to the very last had fallen by the edge of the sword, all Israel returned to Ai and struck it down with the edge of the sword.

25 And all who fell that day, both men and women, were 12,000, all the people of Ai.

26 But Joshua did not draw back his hand with which he stretched out the javelin until he had devoted all the inhabitants of Ai to destruction.

27 Only the livestock and the spoil of that city Israel took as their plunder, according to the word of the LORD that he commanded Joshua.

Questions
     1) You mean after all of the men had been killed, the entire army wiped out, Joshua and his men go back to the city that now holds only defenseless women and children and then proceed to cut them all down?

     2) Is this God that Joshua follows the same God YOU believe in and worship?


Joshua 8:28-29
28 So Joshua burned Ai and made it forever a heap of ruins, as it is to this day.

29 And he hanged the king of Ai on a tree until evening. And at sunset Joshua commanded, and they took his body down from the tree and threw it at the entrance of the gate of the city and raised over it a great heap of stones, which stands there to this day.

Questions
     1) I am curious, did the LORD allow His people to desecrate a corpse so long as it was the corpse of the enemy?


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