Just a Spoonful of Religion Helps the Mayhem Go Down
What better way can the absurdities of religion be explained than through the bloodshot, jaundiced eyes of the Bible, hummm? I mean, the Bible makes SO much sense of everything that goes on in the world every day, right? The Bible explains terrorists, wars, famines, plagues, judgments, mega floods, tsunamis, genocide, sin...all of the bad things in the world are defined by the Bible, made easier to understand by what the Bible says.
You no longer have to worry about why psychopathic religious zealots aim to kill the Infidel people of a country known as the Great Satan by flying loaded airliners into buildings. You no longer have to worry about why some spiritual nutcase convinces his followers to release a lethal toxin in a loaded subway terminal. You no longer have to worry about a fledgling economy, a polluted ocean, melting glaciers, sinkholes that tear the earth a mouth and swallow houses whole, or outbreaks of Ebola. The WHOLE THING is all a very special plan conceived and contrived by none other than God.
So, when things in life are haywire and crazy some people who are believers experience or are part of or witness bad crap happening, and when as a result of such they are posed with questions asking where this all-powerful loving God was when the poo-poo hit the fan, what do they say? It is ALL a plot of God. This is how many Christians/believers cope with mayhem, tragedy they cannot understand, right? They just grab a couple Bible verses and confidently announce whatever is happening is from God. Why is there war? God. Why is there abuse? God. Whatever mayhem God has created, no worries. The Bible says God will fix it.
That's right. Apparently God is trying like hell to teach mankind the lessons needed in order to get into heaven upon death, and the best proof of this is the Bible. Look at the freaky-doo crap God/the LORD is responsible for and then consider His reasoning: I'm just trying to save man.
So whenever Christians cannot explain away something that challenges their belief system or something that scares them they automatically claim they are being tested by God, that whatever craziness is going on it is all part of God's/the LORD's will to bring the Kingdom of God back to earth. Then in an effort to validate the claims of God's wacko plan some people crack open their Bible and happily begin to point out all the times in the Bible (especially Old Testament) where God/the LORD's victories came by way of totally senseless messages from God in some form or other, right?
People don't want to think that much in the world is their fault and their best diversion is religion...
....It is all a plot by God/the LORD, right? If the world is falling apart, cracking in two, it really doesn't matter because the Bible says it is God's plan. As you read these verses and questions I want you to think about how some of those who believe in God behave when something screwy in their personal life or in the world happens, and they do not understand it. Instead of looking into themselves to consider what should be changed they say it is God's plan.
And a surprising number of people are happy with that. I do not understand this. The ridiculousness of these verses is so bizarre you would never in a million years want Whoever wrote or inspired them to plan anything in your life, would you? I don't care what the mayhem may be or why the mayhem may be. Forget taking a spoonful of any of this craziness.
1. I Kings 14:1
1 At that time Abijah the son of Jeroboam fell sick.
2 And Jeroboam said to his wife, “Arise, and disguise yourself, that it not be known that you are the wife of Jeroboam, and go to Shiloh. Behold, Ahijah the prophet is there, who said of me that I should be king over this people.
3 Take with you ten loaves, some cakes, and a jar of honey, and go to him. He will tell you what shall happen to the child.”
4 Jeroboam’s wife did so. She arose and went to Shiloh and came to the house of Ahijah. Now Ahijah could not see, for his eyes were dim because of his age.
5 And the LORD said to Ahijah, “Behold, the wife of Jeroboam is coming to inquire of you concerning her son, for he is sick. Thus and thus shall you say to her.” When she came, she pretended to be another woman.
6 But when Ahijah heard the sound of her feet, as she came in at the door, he said, “Come in, wife of Jeroboam. Why do you pretend to be another? For I am charged with unbearable news for you.
Questions
1) Sooo...this woman knew this guy was a prophet, a person who possessed a gift/power to discern things many people would not, and decides to try to trick him into thinking she is some other woman? This woman and her husband thought this was a GOOD plan?
Questions
1) Sooo...this woman knew this guy was a prophet, a person who possessed a gift/power to discern things many people would not, and decides to try to trick him into thinking she is some other woman? This woman and her husband thought this was a GOOD plan?
2. I Kings 14:8
8 I ripped the kingdom away from the family of David and gave it to you. But you have not been like my servant David, who obeyed my commands and followed me with all his heart and always did whatever I wanted.
9 but you have done evil above all who were before you and have gone and made for yourself other gods and metal images, provoking me to anger, and have cast me behind your back,
Questions
1) Why is God complaining that He has been cast behind someone's back? Doesn't He remember what He did to the prophet in the previous chapter when He purposely set Him up for failure? What did God do to the prophet He killed in that story, hummm? He LEFT the prophet's carcass cast upon the road like garbage, right? God has NO business scolding man, for man is not perfect (according to God) and thus is prone to mistake and ill behavior, BUT GOD is perfect (well, supposed to be perfect) and HE is the One casting the most valuable and precious things (like life and people) hither and thither as though He didn't give a damn, correct?
8 I ripped the kingdom away from the family of David and gave it to you. But you have not been like my servant David, who obeyed my commands and followed me with all his heart and always did whatever I wanted.
9 but you have done evil above all who were before you and have gone and made for yourself other gods and metal images, provoking me to anger, and have cast me behind your back,
Questions
1) Why is God complaining that He has been cast behind someone's back? Doesn't He remember what He did to the prophet in the previous chapter when He purposely set Him up for failure? What did God do to the prophet He killed in that story, hummm? He LEFT the prophet's carcass cast upon the road like garbage, right? God has NO business scolding man, for man is not perfect (according to God) and thus is prone to mistake and ill behavior, BUT GOD is perfect (well, supposed to be perfect) and HE is the One casting the most valuable and precious things (like life and people) hither and thither as though He didn't give a damn, correct?
3. I Kings 14:10
10 I will bring disaster on your dynasty and will destroy every one of your male descendants, slave and free alike, anywhere in Israel. I will burn up your royal dynasty as one burns up trash until it is all gone.
11 Anyone belonging to Jeroboam who dies in the city the dogs shall eat, and anyone who dies in the open country the birds of the heavens shall eat, for the LORD has spoken it.”’
12 Arise therefore, go to your house. When your feet enter the city, the child shall die.
Questions
1) Anyone for a nice warm cup of suffer the little children unto me?
2) Oh look! Verse ten very clearly conveys God's willful treatment of human beings as trash, correct?
3) Why is God punishing more than just the person who did the wrong? Isn't this unjust?
4) The child will die when she re-enters the city? Sooo...this woman comes to this holy man to inquire of the holy man, right? This man can intercede on behalf of the people and ask God for help, and God can certainly heal the child, but what does He do?
5) Why does God withhold healing from the child as punishment for the deeds of the child's father? Is that balanced justice?
10 I will bring disaster on your dynasty and will destroy every one of your male descendants, slave and free alike, anywhere in Israel. I will burn up your royal dynasty as one burns up trash until it is all gone.
11 Anyone belonging to Jeroboam who dies in the city the dogs shall eat, and anyone who dies in the open country the birds of the heavens shall eat, for the LORD has spoken it.”’
12 Arise therefore, go to your house. When your feet enter the city, the child shall die.
Questions
1) Anyone for a nice warm cup of suffer the little children unto me?
2) Oh look! Verse ten very clearly conveys God's willful treatment of human beings as trash, correct?
3) Why is God punishing more than just the person who did the wrong? Isn't this unjust?
4) The child will die when she re-enters the city? Sooo...this woman comes to this holy man to inquire of the holy man, right? This man can intercede on behalf of the people and ask God for help, and God can certainly heal the child, but what does He do?
5) Why does God withhold healing from the child as punishment for the deeds of the child's father? Is that balanced justice?
4. I Kings 14:13
13 All Israel will mourn for him and bury him. He is the only member of your family who will have a proper burial, for this child is the only good thing that the LORD, the God of Israel, sees in the entire family of Jeroboam.
Questions
1) Sooo...the child is actually a GOOD person/being BUT this apparently means crap to God Who is intent on making somebody die for what the child's father has done?
2) You know, when Jesus dies on the cross He also had done nothing, correct?
3) When God mentions acceptable sacrifice in the Bible it is always blemish-free, isn't it? Always, right? Whatever is sacrificed must be in a state of perfection and innocence, correct?
4) How many times in the Bible are innocent children put to death, or threatened to be put to death? I mean, Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac, Pharaoh supposedly drowned the Hebrew babies that were boys in the River Nile, King Herod ordered oodles of babies killed in an effort to kill the newborn King of the Jews, children and infants were regularly killed by the warring people of Israel in the Old Testament, and surely you have not forgotten any of the children or infants murdered by God during the Flood...seriously, are you surprised with what God does here to this child?
5) God has the nerve to detest the people who pass their children to the flames of Molek, but throughout the Bible God sacrifices children and it is okay? How does this work? Another 'God works in mysterious ways' thing that mere mortals have trouble understanding?
6) Sooo...if God knew all of this crap was going to happen before He even laid the foundations of the earth...err, actually He planned it all...can't it be argued that God is guilty of first degree murder, on a massive scale at that?
13 All Israel will mourn for him and bury him. He is the only member of your family who will have a proper burial, for this child is the only good thing that the LORD, the God of Israel, sees in the entire family of Jeroboam.
Questions
1) Sooo...the child is actually a GOOD person/being BUT this apparently means crap to God Who is intent on making somebody die for what the child's father has done?
2) You know, when Jesus dies on the cross He also had done nothing, correct?
3) When God mentions acceptable sacrifice in the Bible it is always blemish-free, isn't it? Always, right? Whatever is sacrificed must be in a state of perfection and innocence, correct?
4) How many times in the Bible are innocent children put to death, or threatened to be put to death? I mean, Abraham was told to sacrifice Isaac, Pharaoh supposedly drowned the Hebrew babies that were boys in the River Nile, King Herod ordered oodles of babies killed in an effort to kill the newborn King of the Jews, children and infants were regularly killed by the warring people of Israel in the Old Testament, and surely you have not forgotten any of the children or infants murdered by God during the Flood...seriously, are you surprised with what God does here to this child?
5) God has the nerve to detest the people who pass their children to the flames of Molek, but throughout the Bible God sacrifices children and it is okay? How does this work? Another 'God works in mysterious ways' thing that mere mortals have trouble understanding?
6) Sooo...if God knew all of this crap was going to happen before He even laid the foundations of the earth...err, actually He planned it all...can't it be argued that God is guilty of first degree murder, on a massive scale at that?
5. I Kings 14:21
21 Meanwhile, Rehoboam son of Solomon was king in Judah. He was forty-one years old when he became king, and he reigned seventeen years in Jerusalem, the city the LORD had chosen from among all the tribes of Israel as the place to honor his name. Rehoboam's mother was Naamah, an Ammonite woman.
Questions
1) Exactly what does the LORD/God mean by saying He specifically picked Jerusalem from all of Israel to hold His name? Does He mean AFTER the people of Israel took possession of the city of Jerusalem that the LORD/God choose it as the city to carry His name?
2) The city of Jerusalem wasn't originally among the people of Israel, was it? Who originally founded the city of Jerusalem, the forefathers of Abraham OR the proto-Canaanites? What does the archeology say about it?
21 Meanwhile, Rehoboam son of Solomon was king in Judah. He was forty-one years old when he became king, and he reigned seventeen years in Jerusalem, the city the LORD had chosen from among all the tribes of Israel as the place to honor his name. Rehoboam's mother was Naamah, an Ammonite woman.
Questions
1) Exactly what does the LORD/God mean by saying He specifically picked Jerusalem from all of Israel to hold His name? Does He mean AFTER the people of Israel took possession of the city of Jerusalem that the LORD/God choose it as the city to carry His name?
2) The city of Jerusalem wasn't originally among the people of Israel, was it? Who originally founded the city of Jerusalem, the forefathers of Abraham OR the proto-Canaanites? What does the archeology say about it?
6. I Kings 14:26
26 He took away the treasures of the house of the LORD and the treasures of the king’s house. He took away everything. He also took away all the shields of gold that Solomon had made,
Questions
1) The treasures of the house of the LORD/God belong to God/the LORD, correct? How does one take what belongs to God? Wouldn't taking something from God, even for the length of time of a second, wouldn't that taking from God indicate He CAN be beaten or defeated, that He isn't so goddamn powerful after all?
26 He took away the treasures of the house of the LORD and the treasures of the king’s house. He took away everything. He also took away all the shields of gold that Solomon had made,
Questions
1) The treasures of the house of the LORD/God belong to God/the LORD, correct? How does one take what belongs to God? Wouldn't taking something from God, even for the length of time of a second, wouldn't that taking from God indicate He CAN be beaten or defeated, that He isn't so goddamn powerful after all?
7. I Kings 15:3
3 And he walked in all the sins that his father did before him, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father.
Questions
1) Why does the Bible continue to assert that David was true to the LORD/God? Didn't David kill, steal, covet his neighbor's wife, commit adultery, lie, gave false witness...I mean the guy was a trainwreck when it came to following the Ten Commandments, right?
2) Sooo...tell me again HOW David was true to the LORD, because so far you have shown nothing. I suppose you could say that David was true to the LORD in the sense that the LORD says everyone sins and BOY oh BOY did David sin, or what?
3 And he walked in all the sins that his father did before him, and his heart was not wholly true to the LORD his God, as the heart of David his father.
Questions
1) Why does the Bible continue to assert that David was true to the LORD/God? Didn't David kill, steal, covet his neighbor's wife, commit adultery, lie, gave false witness...I mean the guy was a trainwreck when it came to following the Ten Commandments, right?
2) Sooo...tell me again HOW David was true to the LORD, because so far you have shown nothing. I suppose you could say that David was true to the LORD in the sense that the LORD says everyone sins and BOY oh BOY did David sin, or what?
8. I Kings 15: 5
5 For David had done what was pleasing in the LORD's sight and had obeyed the LORD's commands throughout his life, except in the affair concerning Uriah the Hittite.
Questions
1) Well, this is very interesting, isn't it? Sooo...the only thing that went wrong for David was the Bathsheba debacle? I don't think so. Remember when David got into trouble for taking the census, amongst other things?
5 For David had done what was pleasing in the LORD's sight and had obeyed the LORD's commands throughout his life, except in the affair concerning Uriah the Hittite.
Questions
1) Well, this is very interesting, isn't it? Sooo...the only thing that went wrong for David was the Bathsheba debacle? I don't think so. Remember when David got into trouble for taking the census, amongst other things?
9. I Kings 15:7
7 The rest of the events in Abijam's reign and everything he did are recorded in [The Book of the History of the Kings of Judah.] There was constant war between Abijam and Jeroboam.
Questions
1) Shouldn't this verse say something more along the lines of Where the LORD/God is, so is there also perpetual war?
2) Explain to me HOW all of the war and misfortune and sorrow and disaster and destruction that God/the LORD so generously piles upon those who aimlessly follow Him fits into a grand plan to express divine love for man from God?
3) I don't understand why this great, mega-powerful God chooses to show love through death and destruction, sadistic situations, and perverse punishments when He has the power and ability to show His love...through love, do you?
7 The rest of the events in Abijam's reign and everything he did are recorded in [The Book of the History of the Kings of Judah.] There was constant war between Abijam and Jeroboam.
Questions
1) Shouldn't this verse say something more along the lines of Where the LORD/God is, so is there also perpetual war?
2) Explain to me HOW all of the war and misfortune and sorrow and disaster and destruction that God/the LORD so generously piles upon those who aimlessly follow Him fits into a grand plan to express divine love for man from God?
3) I don't understand why this great, mega-powerful God chooses to show love through death and destruction, sadistic situations, and perverse punishments when He has the power and ability to show His love...through love, do you?
10. I Kings 15:12
12 He put away the male cult prostitutes out of the land and removed all the idols that his fathers had made.
Questions
1) Sooo...did they keep the female prostitutes? Why only get rid of the males?
11. I Kings 15:14
14 Although the pagan shrines were not removed, Asa's heart remained completely faithful to the LORD throughout his life.
Questions
1) Sooo...the idols were NOT gone but he remained faithful? How does that work? Didn't the LORD/God say to Jacob in the book of Genesis to have his family remove all of the idols and purify themselves? Sooo...again, if the idols are not removed how is this guy completely faithful to the LORD?
2) Isn't this verse like saying, Sure, I enjoy two packs of cigarettes a week, but I'm a dedicated non-smoker?
12. I Kings 15:26
26 He did what was evil in the sight of the LORD and walked in the way of his father, and in his sin which he made Israel to sin.
Questions
1) Clearly this man did not make Israel sin, right? God needs to pay a little more attention to the stuff He says, correct? Didn't God say that man sins continually/is born into sin/cannot help but to sin? Sin IS a given with man, correct? Considering that, isn't it absolutely retarded for God or any of God's personalities to claim that any one person or group of people made anyone else to sin?
13. I Kings 16:1-2
1 And the word of the LORD came to Jehu the son of Hanani against Baasha, saying,
2 “Since I exalted you out of the dust and made you leader over my people Israel, and you have walked in the way of Jeroboam and have made my people Israel to sin, provoking me to anger with their sins,
3 So now I will destroy you and your family, just as I destroyed the descendants of Jeroboam son of Nebat.
Questions
1) Dude, the LORD/God seriously needs to get a different line that He uses as an excuse to play murderous games with His chosen people, right? The "I Chose Him But Look How He Turned Out" game is so goddamn old it is no longer interesting, correct? Besides, we all know that in reality God knew all along that whoever botched up was going to botch up. Does God really think He can get away with pretending like He was an innocent bystander Who was hoping against hope that His choice of man would turn out to be a good one?
http://shoon4774-thegreatestlieevertold.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-does-god-win.html
http://toleratingaggressivereligioushumor.blogspot.com/
https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ester+lighthorse
http://www.zazzle.com/smartytwoshoes
12 He put away the male cult prostitutes out of the land and removed all the idols that his fathers had made.
Questions
1) Sooo...did they keep the female prostitutes? Why only get rid of the males?
11. I Kings 15:14
14 Although the pagan shrines were not removed, Asa's heart remained completely faithful to the LORD throughout his life.
Questions
1) Sooo...the idols were NOT gone but he remained faithful? How does that work? Didn't the LORD/God say to Jacob in the book of Genesis to have his family remove all of the idols and purify themselves? Sooo...again, if the idols are not removed how is this guy completely faithful to the LORD?
2) Isn't this verse like saying, Sure, I enjoy two packs of cigarettes a week, but I'm a dedicated non-smoker?
12. I Kings 15:26
26 He did what was evil in the sight of the LORD and walked in the way of his father, and in his sin which he made Israel to sin.
Questions
1) Clearly this man did not make Israel sin, right? God needs to pay a little more attention to the stuff He says, correct? Didn't God say that man sins continually/is born into sin/cannot help but to sin? Sin IS a given with man, correct? Considering that, isn't it absolutely retarded for God or any of God's personalities to claim that any one person or group of people made anyone else to sin?
13. I Kings 16:1-2
1 And the word of the LORD came to Jehu the son of Hanani against Baasha, saying,
2 “Since I exalted you out of the dust and made you leader over my people Israel, and you have walked in the way of Jeroboam and have made my people Israel to sin, provoking me to anger with their sins,
3 So now I will destroy you and your family, just as I destroyed the descendants of Jeroboam son of Nebat.
Questions
1) Dude, the LORD/God seriously needs to get a different line that He uses as an excuse to play murderous games with His chosen people, right? The "I Chose Him But Look How He Turned Out" game is so goddamn old it is no longer interesting, correct? Besides, we all know that in reality God knew all along that whoever botched up was going to botch up. Does God really think He can get away with pretending like He was an innocent bystander Who was hoping against hope that His choice of man would turn out to be a good one?
http://shoon4774-thegreatestlieevertold.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-does-god-win.html
http://toleratingaggressivereligioushumor.blogspot.com/
https://sites.google.com/site/esterlighthorse/
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ester+lighthorse
http://www.zazzle.com/smartytwoshoes
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