II Samuel Part II: Just a Few Questions

Looks ARE Deceiving

When David takes over as the king the first few impressions are that things are really starting to turn around, right? Perhaps David can really turn things around as far as the relationship between God and the people of Israel are concerned. Not only is David pleasing in the sight of the LORD, but it also appears that in anything that he does he is triumphant. This is a very good indicator of an immense improvement in the disposition of the people of Israel.

How real and lasting is this positive change? How long will it be before somebody screws up and the LORD/God YANKS the rug out from under the entire congregation of His people? For the moment everything for the people of Israel not only looks great, but also sounds great! And this IS a good thing considering the Valley of Death existence the people of Israel have endured for so long, right?

Too bad the people of Israel back then didn't know what we know now when it comes to things that sound really, REALLY great: If it sounds too good to be true...it probably is.

And now...on to the continuing questions for II Samuel.

1. II Samuel 7:25

25 "And now, O LORD God, I am your servant; do as you have promised concerning me and my family. Confirm it as a promise that will last forever.

Questions

     1) The sad part here is that David does not seem to realize that there is no way that he will ever receive confirmation of God's promises...UNLESS he, too, sticks around forever like God to witness everything that ever happens in all of recorded history AFTER God has made all of these promises, right?

2. II Samuel 8:2

2 David also conquered the land of Moab. He made the people lie down on the ground in a row, and he measured them off in groups with a length of rope. He measured off two groups to be executed for every one group to be spared. The Moabites who were spared became David's subjects and paid him tribute money.

Questions

     1) Saving a few and then killing a bunch? Measuring people in groups lying down on the ground, then murdering two groups for every one group spared? This is SO FUCKING SICK. I read this verse and you know what it immediately reminded me of? Have you ever seen the WWII footage of deep, long trenches that had been dug by the Nazis, filled with the bodies of men, women, and children...babies even? You ever see the footage of the people lined up close to the body pits so that when the Nazi soldier came down the line shooting the people in their heads the bodies would simply fall into the pit?

3. II Samuel 8:6

6 Then David put garrisons in Aram of Damascus, and the Syrians became servants to David and brought tribute. And the LORD gave victory to David wherever he went.

Questions

     1) Is it not so much that the LORD gave victory to David as it is that the LORD took the lives of those the people of Israel waged war with?

4. II Samuel 8:10-11

10 Toi sent his son Joram to King David, to ask about his health and to bless him because he had fought against Hadadezer and defeated him, for Hadadezer had often been at war with Toi. And Joram brought with him articles of silver, of gold, and of bronze.

11 These also King David dedicated to the LORD, together with the silver and gold that he dedicated from all the nations he subdued,

Questions

     1) Why does David dedicate the precious metals to the LORD? What the hell is the LORD going to do with gold and silver and bronze?

     2) Does a perfect God need anything? If a perfect God does not by nature need anything wouldn't it follow that He would not want to ask or receive anything since asking for something He does not need and accepting something He does not need is gluttony?

5. II Samuel 8:13
13 So David became even more famous when he returned from destroying 18,000 Edomites in the Valley of Salt.

Questions
     1) Famous for destruction? Is this how people who worship God behave...celebrating destruction?

     2) Is this why the supporters of the assholes who flew planes full of people into big buildings full of even more people were jumping with joy? Did it make them feel famous? Is this something the One they worship encourages?

     3) Remember the tsunami that hit Japan not all that long ago? This verse reminds me of members of the demented denominations of various pockets of Christianity that posted videos on YouTube that were THANKING God for the mass destruction. Don't believe me? Listen and look at this:
          http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fPd-SY6OhLY

          

6. II Samuel 11:2-5
2 It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king’s house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful.

3 He sent someone to find out who she was, and he was told, "She is Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam and the wife of Uriah the Hittite."

4 Then David sent messengers to get her; and when she came to the palace, he slept with her. She had just completed the purification rites after having her menstrual period. Then she returned home.

5 And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.”

Questions
     1) Sooo...David has taken and had sex with the wife of another man? Is the LORD going to punish the entire congregation of His people for David's error?

     2) Would Bathsheba have gotten into trouble if she told David 'no'?

     3) Stepping lightly here, uhmmm...did the folks in Bible times NOT practice various methods for NOT becoming pregnant? Remember the story of Onan getting into trouble with the LORD for spilling his seed on the ground? Does this mean the LORD had a rule that that could not be done, that the man must release his seed inside of the woman?

     4) Wouldn't David know what would happen if he did NOT pull an Onan?

     5) Did David simply not care because he was the king?

7. II Samuel 11:13-17
13 Then David invited him to dinner and got him drunk. But even then he couldn't get Uriah to go home to his wife. Again he slept at the palace entrance with the king's palace guard.

14 In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it by the hand of Uriah.

15 In the letter he wrote, “Set Uriah in the forefront of the hardest fighting, and then draw back from him, that he may be struck down, and die.”

16 So Joab assigned Uriah to a spot close to the city wall where he knew the enemy's strongest men were fighting.

17 And the men of the city came out and fought with Joab, and some of the servants of David among the people fell. Uriah the Hittite also died.

Questions

     1) This is just a terribly sad story, right? A man goes out to fight a war and the king of the land who has more than ANYONE goes and takes what is likely the most valuable, cherished person that the man possesses? A man of GOD did this?

     2) But in reality, isn't David emulating the LORD/God Who regularly takes everything of value from anyone He wants whenever He sees fit to do so?

8. II Samuel 11:27
27 When the period of mourning was over, David sent for her and brought her to the palace, and she became one of his wives. Then she gave birth to a son. But the LORD was displeased with what David had done.

Questions
     1) Displeased? Displeased? David rooks a man out of his wife AND his life and the LORD is displeased? What about the guy that tried to steady the ark when he thought it would fall and the LORD burst out in anger and KILLED him? For trying to steady the ark? But...the LORD is only displeased when David commits adultery, covets another man's wife, and commits murder? Is the LORD disgustingly imbalanced or what?

9. II Samuel 12:9-12
9 Why, then, have you despised the word of the LORD and done this horrible deed? For you have murdered Uriah the Hittite with the sword of the Ammonites and stolen his wife.

10 Now therefore the sword shall never depart from your house, because you have despised me and have taken the wife of Uriah the Hittite to be your wife.’

11 This is what the LORD says: Because of what you have done, I will cause your own household to rebel against you. I will give your wives to another man before your very eyes, and he will go to bed with them in public view.

12 You did it secretly, but I will make this happen to you openly in the sight of all Israel."

Questions
     1) This is what David and Bathsheba did but the LORD is going to make the ENTIRE family of David pay the price of the bad deed done?

     2) THe LORD is going to allow the wives of David to be taken before his very eyes? What the fuck for? David's wives didn't do a damn thing! Sooo...because of something David did his wives are going to be taken against their will? Isn't this RAPE? Because of what David did these women who are his wives will be raped?

10. II Samuel 12:13
13 Then David confessed to Nathan, "I have sinned against the LORD." Nathan replied, "Yes, but the LORD has forgiven you, and you won't die for this sin.

Questions
     1) Ahhh. Sooo...the LORD has forgiven David so that he will not die for His sin, BUT, those closest to David will be the ones to pay the price, right? Lovely.

11. II Samuel 12:14
14 Nevertheless, because you have shown utter contempt for the LORD by doing this, your child will die."

Questions
     1) Because you have shown contempt for the LORD...I am going to kill your child? REALLY? Why does the LORD insist on making the innocent pay for the deeds of the guilty? This is total bullshit, right?

     2) What would you think if a judge in a modern day court in America found a man guilty of murder, and as punishment commanded the man's son be put to death? What would you think? THAT would be wrong, wouldn't it? Why isn't it wrong for God? Because God is supposed to be perfect, so even when He is wrong He is still right?

12. II Samuel 12:15
15 After Nathan returned to his home, the LORD sent a deadly illness to the child of David and Uriah's wife.

Questions
     1) Awww! Does the LORD/God have a soft spot for purposely suffering the little children unto Himself? What a sweetheart.

13. II Samuel 12:22
22 David replied, "I fasted and wept while the child was alive, for I said, 'Perhaps the LORD will be gracious to me and let the child live.'

Questions
     1) Isn't this just another limit to stupidity set by yet another person in the Bible? Letting the child live would be gracious to David? No it wouldn't. Letting the child live would be gracious to the child, right? Injuring one person as punishment to another? How fucking stupid is that? And people wonder what is wrong with religion?

14. II Samuel 12:24
24 Then David comforted Bathsheba, his wife, and slept with her. She became pregnant and gave birth to a son, and David named him Solomon. The LORD loved the child

Questions
     1) Sooo...the LORD loved this child but not the other child that He killed by sending it an illness while it was yet still a brand new infant?

15. II Samuel 12:30
30 David removed the crown from the king's head, and it was placed on his own head. The crown was made of gold and set with gems, and it weighed seventy-five pounds. David took a vast amount of plunder from the city.

Questions
     1) A crown that weighs SEVENTY-FIVE POUNDS? David actually put this crown on his head?

     2) What is the heaviest crown in the world today? What is the heaviest crown in recorded history and can it be verified?

     3) How much weight can the human head and neck support for a man of average, medium, or above average height and weight and build?

16. II Samuel 13:11-13
11 But when she brought them near him to eat, he took hold of her and said to her, “Come, lie with me, my sister.”

12 She answered him, “No, my brother, do not violate me, for such a thing is not done in Israel; do not do this outrageous thing.

13 As for me, where could I carry my shame? And as for you, you would be as one of the outrageous fools in Israel. Now therefore, please speak to the king, for he will not withhold me from you.”

14 But he would not listen to her, and being stronger than she, he violated her and lay with her.

Questions
     1) You know what? The Bible seems really really preoccupied with incest in the Old Testament, right? Why is that?

     2) Sooo...first the sister says something along the lines of no, such a thing is not done in Israel, right? Whew! So the LORD DOESN'T approve of brothers and sisters sleeping together, correct?

     3) Then the sister says something along the lines of tell the king for he will not withhold me from you...and you kinda go WHAT? Sooo...the LORD DOES approve of incest? Isn't that lovely?

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Joshua Part I: Just a Few Questions

Finally Through the Pentateuch

Yay! We have finally made it through the first five books of the Bible and all of the questions related to those books. Whew. THAT...was an ordeal. Now we will move onto the rest of the Old Testament. The very first book after Deuteronomy is Joshua.

Joshua 1:2-3

2 Moses my servant is dead. Therefore, the time has come for you to lead these people, the Israelites, across the Jordan River into the land I am giving them.

3 I promise you what I promised Moses: 'Wherever you set foot, you will be on land I have given you--

Questions
     1) Do you see something wrong with these verses? Moses is now dead, right? And, Moses died before he could realize the promise that God gave to the people of Israel in regards to the promised land, correct? Why didn't Moses ever see the fruition of God's promise, hummm? Why did it seem like when the people of Israel were this close to getting to the promised land that God found a way out of the promise He gave to Moses?

     2) Joshua, you do realize that the promise God is giving you is the very same promise He gave to Moses? You do realize that Moses never received this promise from God, right? You DO realize that now you are working with God you had best watch your back lest God hamstring you for some teeny mistake you make, right?

Joshua 1:4

4 from the Negev wilderness in the south to the Lebanon mountains in the north, from the Euphrates River in the east to the Mediterranean Sea in the west, including all the land of the Hittites.'

Questions
     1) Do you know where the boundaries of this location is? Go to a map, or better yet get on the Internet and look it all up. Now, supposedly the Israelites are back in the promised land, right? When Israel finally became a nation and up to this point now in history there have been (and still are) plenty of Christians who claim that since God's people are back in the promised land that the time of Christ's return is imminent. Really? How can this be when present day Israel is nowhere near the size of the boundaries mentioned in the Bible?

     2) If the measurements of modern-day Israel are nowhere near the boundaries mentioned in the Bible and PROMISED BY GOD how in the hell can Christians sit there and make all of these claims that prophecy is being fulfilled? How can you fulfill the prophecy without first fulfilling the promise? God's people STILL don't have what He promised so how can the assessment of Christ's supposed return to earth be accurate?

Joshua 1:5

5 No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you.

Questions
     1) Do you recall how God was with Moses, how God interacted with and treated His promises to Moses? God sought for a way to revoke His promise to Moses. God is all-knowing and so He KNEW full well that Moses would hit that rock instead of speaking to it, and God also knew why Moses did this and that it was out of frustration and feeling that he had zero control of a very crappy situation. Did God counsel Moses on this? God will be with you as He was with Moses? That isn't very comforting now, is it? And how in the blazing blue does God say He won't fail or abandon when this is exactly what God did to Moses?

Joshua 1:6

6 Be strong and courageous, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them.

Questions
     1) So far as we have come to this point in the Bible...HOW many people has God made this promise of a promised land to, and how long is this promise supposed to take before God actually follows through on his end? How many generations have passed since the first uttering of this promise?

     2) Why does God insist on making these promises to people that He never intends will actually see or enjoy this grand promise?

Joshua 1:9

9 Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.”

Questions
     1) The LORD is with you wherever you go? Really? Shouldn't it be something more like the LORD will drag you wherever He wishes for you to go? He drags the people of Israel to Egypt where they are supposedly enslaved for 430 years during which the people are treated poorly, at one point having their male children murdered by being thrown into the Nile...and the LORD was with them?

     2) Sooo...meandering around the desert for forty friggin' years is no sweat, right? Because God is with you? Or maybe you really mean because God is the one who put you there in the boonies on purpose...so be strong and show some courage, is that it? Is that the price of the LORD being with you wherever you go, that He can take you and put you wherever He wants EVEN IF IT IS TERRIBLE?

Joshua 1:11

11 Go through the camp and tell the people to get their provisions ready. In three days you will cross the Jordan River and take possession of the land the LORD your God is giving you."

Questions
     1) Isn't what really should be said here something more along the lines of, "Get ready. In three days we will go and take everything from the people who are already living in this land," and don't forget that in all of this TAKING authorized by God the people of Israel will be taking the lives of the inhabitants of the land as well?

Joshua 1:18

18 Anyone who rebels against your orders and does not obey your words and everything you command will be put to death. So be strong and courageous!"

Questions
     1) Say, didn't Hitler, Stalin, Mussolini, Pol Pot, Pablo Escobar, and actually quite a few others have this very same approach?

Joshua 2:11
11 No wonder our hearts have melted in fear! No one has the courage to fight after hearing such things. For the LORD your God is the supreme God of the heavens above and the earth below.

Questions
     1) Do you notice that the acknowledgement of God as great and powerful has nothing to do with the grand nature of His love, but rather the intense nature of His hate and the mean and terrible things He does to people or that He gets His people to do to other people?

     2) Do you think that it is not so much that God is supreme in the heavens above and the earth below so much as it is God is absolutely willing to do absolutely ANYTHING to get whatever it is that He wants, whether that means kill women and children, trick men into lowering their guard and then killing them, taking what is not His own, and absolutely every horror conceivable?


Joshua 3:17
17 Meanwhile, the priests who were carrying the Ark of the LORD's Covenant stood on dry ground in the middle of the riverbed as the people passed by. They waited there until the whole nation of Israel had crossed the Jordan on dry ground.

Questions
     1) Sooo...is the ark of the covenant what is controlling the flow of the water? Does that mean the ark is a machine of some sort?

     2) Where did the design of this machine come from, God? If God is God of everything and controls everything WHY would He need a machine?

     3) Did God explain to His people that this was a machine and there were scientific reasons why it did what it did? Did God NOT tell the people about the truth of the ark machine because He wanted them to continue to be mystified and think that this being God really was God?

     4) Sooo...the ENTIRE nation of Israel crosses at this point in the Jordan? How many people crossed? How long did this take? The way it is written in the above verses it really makes it sound like it was pretty quick.


Joshua 4:4-7, 9
4 So Joshua called together the twelve men he had chosen--one from each of the tribes of Israel.
  
5 He told them, "Go into the middle of the Jordan, in front of the Ark of the LORD your God. Each of you must pick up one stone and carry it out on your shoulder--twelve stones in all, one for each of the twelve tribes of Israel.

6 We will use these stones to build a memorial. In the future your children will ask you, 'What do these stones mean?'

7 Then you can tell them, 'They remind us that the Jordan River stopped flowing when the Ark of the LORD's Covenant went across.' These stones will stand as a memorial among the people of Israel forever."

9 Joshua also set up another pile of twelve stones in the middle of the Jordan, at the place where the priests who carried the Ark of the Covenant were standing. And they are there to this day.

Questions
     1) Sooo...if the stones are supposed to be a lasting memorial for all time...are these stone still where they are supposed to be?

     2) Are these stones mentioned in these scriptures still serving as a visible memorial to the people of Israel? Are they the very same stones? No one at all has changed the stones?

     3) If these stones, the ORIGINAL stones are no longer at this place mentioned in the verses, and if these verses are in this book called the HOLY BIBLE that is supposed to be the absolute truth, and if these words are supposed to be the very words of God, and if the Word of God is never wrong and never faulty and never fades, and if these verses say that the stone markers serve as a memorial for the people of Israel FOREVER...what does this say about the infallibility of the Word of God (the Bible) and its lasting truth?

     4) Okay, we know that according to the Bible man is born into sin and thus from the very beginning man finds that human life is riddled with error, poor decisions (even if on accident), and intensely terrible situations. Then you have this ultimate divine being, God, Who cares so much for and has done so much for His people and they love Him right back so very much that God finds it necessary to find ways to remind His people how very great He is?

     5) Is God's care really so perfect and so great that it is even believable that ANYONE on the receiving end of that greatness would ever find themselves forgetting the love and the glory and the peace, yada-yada plucka-plucka, of the LORD?

     6) Why does God often focus on the terrible punishments He has smashed His people with in an effort to remind them of God's care? Why doesn't He insist on reminding them of the beauty and love He represents? Is it because He rarely shows beauty and love to begin with?

Joshua 4:14
14 That day the LORD made Joshua a great leader in the eyes of all the Israelites, and for the rest of his life they revered him as much as they had revered Moses.

Questions
     1) Well, if the people are responding to Joshua in the same manner as they did Moses, well then Joshua would be screwed, right? How can it be said that the people revered Moses when all they did was complain to him about pretty much everything and caused problem after problem?

     2) Are complaining and causing problems consistent with expressing reverence towards any individual or group?


Joshua 5:13-15
13 When Joshua was by Jericho, he lifted up his eyes and looked, and behold, a man was standing before him with his drawn sword in his hand. And Joshua went to him and said to him, “Are you for us, or for our adversaries?”

14 And he said, “No; but I am the commander of the army of the LORD. Now I have come.” And Joshua fell on his face to the earth and worshiped and said to him, “What does my lord say to his servant?”

15 And the commander of the LORD’s army said to Joshua, “Take off your sandals from your feet, for the place where you are standing is holy.” And Joshua did so.

Questions
     1) If this angel of the LORD is FOR the people of God why the hell is his sword drawn?

     2) Wouldn't the LORD/God be the commander of His own army? Why is an angel running things? Is God too busy with running the rest of the universe?

     3) If God/the LORD is everywhere then why did the LORD send a commander angel when due to His omni-presence the LORD would already be present?


Joshua 6:19
19 But all silver and gold, and every vessel of bronze and iron, are holy to the LORD; they shall go into the treasury of the LORD.”

Questions
     1) Why does God/the LORD need the metals mentioned here?

     2) Why does the LORD have a treasury here on earth when the Bible says in Matthew 6:19, "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,"?


Joshua 6:21
21 Then they devoted all in the city to destruction, both men and women, young and old, oxen, sheep, and donkeys, with the edge of the sword.

Questions
     1) How does a God of ultimate love command those who follow Him to devote themselves to the utter destruction of something, to include people?


Joshua 6:25
25 But Rahab the prostitute and her father’s household and all who belonged to her, Joshua saved alive. And she has lived in Israel to this day, because she hid the messengers whom Joshua sent to spy out Jericho.

Questions
     1) In what capacity is Rahab still in Israel today? Are her descendants prostitutes?


Joshua 6:27
27 So the LORD was with Joshua, and his fame was in all the land.

Questions
     1) Loads of present day preachers drone on and on of how God does not give a hoot about fame and fortune and all of such things, if anything finding them to be detestable. Sooo...this was not the same in Joshua's time?

     2) If God never changes and His Word stands forever WHY is God's approach to fame seemingly different in Joshua's time as opposed to present day? 


Joshua 7:1, 12
1 But the people of Israel broke faith in regard to the devoted things, for Achan the son of Carmi, son of Zabdi, son of Zerah, of the tribe of Judah, took some of the devoted things. And the anger of the LORD burned against the people of Israel.

12 Therefore the people of Israel cannot stand before their enemies. They turn their backs before their enemies, because they have become devoted for destruction. I will be with you no more, unless you destroy the devoted things from among you.

Questions
     1) Sooo...this one guy does something that is contrary to what God decrees and God decides the right thing to do would be to get angry with everyone?

     2) What is God's justification for penalizing the non-guilty?


Joshua 7:23-26
23 And they took them out of the tent and brought them to Joshua and to all the people of Israel. And they laid them down before the LORD.

24 And Joshua and all Israel with him took Achan the son of Zerah, and the silver and the cloak and the bar of gold, and his sons and daughters and his oxen and donkeys and sheep and his tent and all that he had. And they brought them up to the Valley of Achor.

25 And Joshua said, “Why did you bring trouble on us? The LORD brings trouble on you today.” And all Israel stoned him with stones. They burned them with fire and stoned them with stones.

26 And they raised over him a great heap of stones that remains to this day. Then the LORD turned from his burning anger. Therefore, to this day the name of that place is called the Valley of Achor.

Questions
     1) This man takes what he was not supposed to take and his ENTIRE family must pay with their lives and all of their possessions?


Joshua 8:1-2
1 And the LORD said to Joshua, “Do not fear and do not be dismayed. Take all the fighting men with you, and arise, go up to Ai. See, I have given into your hand the king of Ai, and his people, his city, and his land.

2 And you shall do to Ai and its king as you did to Jericho and its king. Only its spoil and its livestock you shall take as plunder for yourselves. Lay an ambush against the city, behind it.”

Questions
     1) Sooo...the LORD is ordering His people to commit genocide, but this time around He is going to allow them to keep the possessions belonging to the people they murdered?


Joshua 8:16-17, 19
16 So all the people who were in the city were called together to pursue them, and as they pursued Joshua they were drawn away from the city.

17 Not a man was left in Ai or Bethel who did not go out after Israel. They left the city open and pursued Israel.

19 And the men in the ambush rose quickly out of their place, and as soon as he had stretched out his hand, they ran and entered the city and captured it. And they hurried to set the city on fire.

Questions
     1) Doesn't this sound like something General George A. Custer would have done?


Joshua 8:24-27
24 When Israel had finished killing all the inhabitants of Ai in the open wilderness where they pursued them, and all of them to the very last had fallen by the edge of the sword, all Israel returned to Ai and struck it down with the edge of the sword.

25 And all who fell that day, both men and women, were 12,000, all the people of Ai.

26 But Joshua did not draw back his hand with which he stretched out the javelin until he had devoted all the inhabitants of Ai to destruction.

27 Only the livestock and the spoil of that city Israel took as their plunder, according to the word of the LORD that he commanded Joshua.

Questions
     1) You mean after all of the men had been killed, the entire army wiped out, Joshua and his men go back to the city that now holds only defenseless women and children and then proceed to cut them all down?

     2) Is this God that Joshua follows the same God YOU believe in and worship?


Joshua 8:28-29
28 So Joshua burned Ai and made it forever a heap of ruins, as it is to this day.

29 And he hanged the king of Ai on a tree until evening. And at sunset Joshua commanded, and they took his body down from the tree and threw it at the entrance of the gate of the city and raised over it a great heap of stones, which stands there to this day.

Questions
     1) I am curious, did the LORD allow His people to desecrate a corpse so long as it was the corpse of the enemy?


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