All Hail the King!
If you thought that the tail end of Solomon's reign wasn't that bad and things really shouldn't get all that much worse...you are wrong. When Solomon dies the LORD puts His plan to garner more attention into overdrive. If you thought the people of Israel have done their share of suffering, well that might be true, but apparently God/the LORD does not think so as evidenced by the worsening situations His people continue to find themselves in.
We continue with the questions for the book of I Kings.
We continue with the questions for the book of I Kings.
1. I Kings 11:39
39 And I will afflict the offspring of David because of this, but not forever.
Questions
1) Are you in the least bit surprised that God/the LORD would take this approach? Making the children of the wrongdoer pay the toll on the consequence wrought by their ancestor's willful fuck-ups?
2) Oooohh, I see. This must be another preemptive installment of Suffer the Little Children unto Me, correct? I mean, what the hell else can it be since God is referring to the literal offspring of King David?
3) It is the last three words of the verse that really get under my skin: but not forever. But not forever? Was God wanting and trying to look and sound nice and considerate, as though He even considerately cut the duration of the punishment out of mercy?
4) What is wrong with this picture? Those last three words: BUT NOT FOREVER. Do those last three words do ANYTHING AT ALL to make any of the other words in the verse any better?
2. I Kings 12:3-4
3 And they sent and called him, and Jeroboam and all the assembly of Israel came and said to Rehoboam,
4 “Your father made our yoke heavy. Now therefore lighten the hard service of your father and his heavy yoke on us, and we will serve you.”
Questions
1) Sooo...Solomon placed a heavy yoke of labor upon his own people, the people of Israel...the people of God? Why did God allow this? Doesn't it say that the LORD gave rest on every side of His people (it mentions this in the beginning chapters of I Kings)? How is there rest on every side if the people are being forced to hold a heavy yoke of labor?
2) In previous chapters in I Kings it mentions that King Solomon did not put his people, the people of Israel, to the hard/forced labor, right? But here it totally sounds like the opposite is true? What is going on here? Is there or ISN'T there hard/forced labor that the people of Israel are subjected to?
3) Sooo...the people say to lighten the load and they will serve the new king, right? Does this also infer that if the king does not lighten the load that the people will not serve him?
3. I Kings 12:6-8
6 Then King Rehoboam discussed the matter with the older men who had counseled his father, Solomon. "What is your advice?" he asked. "How should I answer these people?"
7 The older counselors replied, "If you are willing to be a servant to these people today and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal subjects."
8 But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him and were now his advisers.
Questions
1) I am curious, since the LORD mentioned to Solomon that He would tear the kingdom away from Solomon's son, is this the way that the LORD chooses to do so? Is He purposely making the new king shun the good advice and happily take the bad advice?
2) If such is the case, if the LORD is making the new king choose poorly in order to punish Solomon for the 'evil' the LORD claims he did (and how would such a thing punish Solomon anyways when he is already fucking dead?) isn't this an excellent example of divine entrapment? If the LORD is making someone make a particular choice then isn't that indicative of that person NOT willing to make such a poor decision to begin with? If the new king was not going to make that poor decision WITHOUT the purposeful prodding of the LORD...isn't that WRONG what the LORD is doing?
4. I Kings 12:10-11, 13-15
10 And the young men who had grown up with him said to him, “Thus shall you speak to this people who said to you, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you lighten it for us,’ thus shall you say to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs.
11 And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’”
13 And the king answered the people harshly, and forsaking the counsel that the old men had given him,
14 he spoke to them according to the counsel of the young men, saying, “My father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.”
15 So the king did not listen to the people, for it was a turn of affairs brought about by the LORD that he might fulfill his word, which the LORD spoke by Ahijah the Shilonite to Jeroboam the son of Nebat.
Questions
1) Ahhh, I see. It WAS the LORD who put the new king up to this bullshit treatment of his own people, right? Sooo...for something that the new king's father did EVERYONE has to pay because the LORD is pissed that He didn't get enough attention?
5. I Kings 12:16
16 And when all Israel saw that the king did not listen to them, the people answered the king, “What portion do we have in David? We have no inheritance in the son of Jesse. To your tents, O Israel! Look now to your own house, David.” So Israel went to their tents.
Questions
1) Wow...so with one fatal swoop the LORD rips out the carpet from beneath everyone and breaks every promise He made to the people, their ancestors, the previous king, the king before Him, and everyone inbetween?
2) How in the HELL do people continue to trust this LORD fellow when it is obvious He is quite the lying prick?
6. I Kings 12;18
18 Then King Rehoboam sent Adoram, who was taskmaster over the forced labor, and all Israel stoned him to death with stones. And King Rehoboam hurried to mount his chariot to flee to Jerusalem.
Questions
1) Sooo...then the people of Israel did participate in the forced labor program? Why does it say differently depending on the chapter of I Kings you happen to be reading?
2) If Adoram was following orders of the new king whose mind and ability to make better choices for his people had been hijacked by God, then isn't God responsible for sending Adoram to his death by stoning?
3) Is making the new king flee to another city the little cherry of social unrest that the LORD puts atop His newest Dessert of Disaster?
7. I Kings 12:19
19 So Israel has been in rebellion against the house of David to this day.
Questions
1) Hah! This is hilarious isn't it? How many times up to this point in the Bible has the LORD said that He would never forsake His people, would love them, would provide for them, and would sustain them?
2) Do you think it is possible that when the LORD said He would never forsake, would love, would provide, and would sustain that He really meant that He would never stop harassing His own people, loves to cause great pain upon His people, would be more than happy to provide oodles of misfortune upon misfortune to those He supposedly loves, and would sustain His effort to really fuck people up until they get the friggin clue that this God is not worth the rice paper His scripture is written on?
8. I Kings 12:20
20 And when all Israel heard that Jeroboam had returned, they sent and called him to the assembly and made him king over all Israel. There was none that followed the house of David but the tribe of Judah only.
Questions
1) And I suppose this is where the groundwork is laid for the proof of the New Testament story that the Jews rebuffed, refused to accept Jesus as the messiah?
2) Sooo...if the Jews rebuffed Jesus as the Messiah, and if it was because of this bullshit that Rehoboam pulled, and if GOD was the one who made Rehoboam behave in such a goddamn stupid manner toward his people...uhmmm, isn't GOD the reason He was refused by His own people when He morphed into Jesus to save all of mankind from that bugaboo of sin?
9. I Kings 12:21
21 When Rehoboam came to Jerusalem, he assembled all the house of Judah and the tribe of Benjamin, 180,000 chosen warriors, to fight against the house of Israel, to restore the kingdom to Rehoboam the son of Solomon.
Questions
1) Well, what have we here but fighting within the people who are supposed to be God's people? And why are they fighting? And WHO is making them fight? And WHY is He making them fight?
2) Does God have a pathological need for attention of ANY type? Does God need this attention all the time and everywhere?
3) If God has a sicko need to always be the center of attention is this why so many religions and denominations have fought so terribly throughout the history of man?
4) Is man's constant fighting and bickering over whose God is the true God NOT an argument or problem born of man, but one conceived by God and purposely placed within man? Why would God do this? Would a LOVING God do this to His own people?
5) If God holds that the little children should suffer unto Him, does He count the children of Israel as fitting into such a category and thus make them all suffer?
6) Who does God love more? The people of Israel or His pathological need for attention at all costs...including the cost of losing life?
10. I Kings 12:24, 26
24 ‘Thus says the LORD, You shall not go up or fight against your relatives the people of Israel. Every man return to his home, for this thing is from me.’” So they listened to the word of the LORD and went home again, according to the word of the LORD.
26 And Jeroboam said in his heart, “Now the kingdom will turn back to the house of David.
27 If this people go up to offer sacrifices in the temple of the LORD at Jerusalem, then the heart of this people will turn again to their lord, to Rehoboam king of Judah, and they will kill me and return to Rehoboam king of Judah.”
28 So the king took counsel and made two calves of gold. And he said to the people, “You have gone up to Jerusalem long enough. Behold your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.”
Questions
1) What the hell kind of mind games is this bastard God/the LORD playing with these people? Isn't this truly sick? Would you do this to your friends or family? Would you want them to do such a thing to you? If not...why the fuckey-doo believe in a deity that detests and mistreats the very people He is supposed to love?
11. I Kings 12:32
32 And Jeroboam appointed a feast on the fifteenth day of the eighth month like the feast that was in Judah, and he offered sacrifices on the altar. So he did in Bethel, sacrificing to the calves that he made. And he placed in Bethel the priests of the high places that he had made.
Questions
1) Uh-oh. The LORD isn't getting all of the attention and He is gonna get pissed, right?
2) Do you think that when the LORD gets pissed off at the people that He even bothers to remember that they did not even behave in this ridiculous manner until the LORD made them do it?
3) Is the manipulative character of the LORD/God a very good indicator of the depth of His insanity, insatiable desire for blood, and the lose-lose situation of those He has labeled as His people?
12. I Kings 13:2
2 And the man cried against the altar by the word of the LORD and said, “O altar, altar, thus says the LORD: ‘Behold, a son shall be born to the house of David, Josiah by name, and he shall sacrifice on you the priests of the high places who make offerings on you, and human bones shall be burned on you.’”
Questions
1) Sooo...not only is this pathological deity controlling everyone in the worst ways with His mighty powers, but He even tells the people of the terrible things He is going to do to them? Does this strike you as absurdly smug?
2) Sooo...was it not enough that God almost let Abraham sacrifice Isaac, and now God actually wants blood, actually wants the human sacrifice to go through?
3) Isn't life sacred no matter who you are or where you are from? Why isn't life sacred to God? Is God allowed to treat life anyway He wants since it is supposedly Him Who created all life to begin with?
http://shoon4774-thegreatestlieevertold.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-does-god-win.html
http://toleratingaggressivereligioushumor.blogspot.com/
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ester+lighthorse
http://www.zazzle.com/smartytwoshoes
http://www.zazzle.com/biblical_myth_periodic_table_of_elements_posters-228084324809883766
2. I Kings 12:3-4
3 And they sent and called him, and Jeroboam and all the assembly of Israel came and said to Rehoboam,
4 “Your father made our yoke heavy. Now therefore lighten the hard service of your father and his heavy yoke on us, and we will serve you.”
Questions
1) Sooo...Solomon placed a heavy yoke of labor upon his own people, the people of Israel...the people of God? Why did God allow this? Doesn't it say that the LORD gave rest on every side of His people (it mentions this in the beginning chapters of I Kings)? How is there rest on every side if the people are being forced to hold a heavy yoke of labor?
2) In previous chapters in I Kings it mentions that King Solomon did not put his people, the people of Israel, to the hard/forced labor, right? But here it totally sounds like the opposite is true? What is going on here? Is there or ISN'T there hard/forced labor that the people of Israel are subjected to?
3) Sooo...the people say to lighten the load and they will serve the new king, right? Does this also infer that if the king does not lighten the load that the people will not serve him?
3. I Kings 12:6-8
6 Then King Rehoboam discussed the matter with the older men who had counseled his father, Solomon. "What is your advice?" he asked. "How should I answer these people?"
7 The older counselors replied, "If you are willing to be a servant to these people today and give them a favorable answer, they will always be your loyal subjects."
8 But Rehoboam rejected the advice of the older men and instead asked the opinion of the young men who had grown up with him and were now his advisers.
Questions
1) I am curious, since the LORD mentioned to Solomon that He would tear the kingdom away from Solomon's son, is this the way that the LORD chooses to do so? Is He purposely making the new king shun the good advice and happily take the bad advice?
2) If such is the case, if the LORD is making the new king choose poorly in order to punish Solomon for the 'evil' the LORD claims he did (and how would such a thing punish Solomon anyways when he is already fucking dead?) isn't this an excellent example of divine entrapment? If the LORD is making someone make a particular choice then isn't that indicative of that person NOT willing to make such a poor decision to begin with? If the new king was not going to make that poor decision WITHOUT the purposeful prodding of the LORD...isn't that WRONG what the LORD is doing?
4. I Kings 12:10-11, 13-15
10 And the young men who had grown up with him said to him, “Thus shall you speak to this people who said to you, ‘Your father made our yoke heavy, but you lighten it for us,’ thus shall you say to them, ‘My little finger is thicker than my father’s thighs.
11 And now, whereas my father laid on you a heavy yoke, I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.’”
13 And the king answered the people harshly, and forsaking the counsel that the old men had given him,
14 he spoke to them according to the counsel of the young men, saying, “My father made your yoke heavy, but I will add to your yoke. My father disciplined you with whips, but I will discipline you with scorpions.”
15 So the king did not listen to the people, for it was a turn of affairs brought about by the LORD that he might fulfill his word, which the LORD spoke by Ahijah the Shilonite to Jeroboam the son of Nebat.
Questions
1) Ahhh, I see. It WAS the LORD who put the new king up to this bullshit treatment of his own people, right? Sooo...for something that the new king's father did EVERYONE has to pay because the LORD is pissed that He didn't get enough attention?
5. I Kings 12:16
16 And when all Israel saw that the king did not listen to them, the people answered the king, “What portion do we have in David? We have no inheritance in the son of Jesse. To your tents, O Israel! Look now to your own house, David.” So Israel went to their tents.
Questions
1) Wow...so with one fatal swoop the LORD rips out the carpet from beneath everyone and breaks every promise He made to the people, their ancestors, the previous king, the king before Him, and everyone inbetween?
2) How in the HELL do people continue to trust this LORD fellow when it is obvious He is quite the lying prick?
6. I Kings 12;18
18 Then King Rehoboam sent Adoram, who was taskmaster over the forced labor, and all Israel stoned him to death with stones. And King Rehoboam hurried to mount his chariot to flee to Jerusalem.
Questions
1) Sooo...then the people of Israel did participate in the forced labor program? Why does it say differently depending on the chapter of I Kings you happen to be reading?
2) If Adoram was following orders of the new king whose mind and ability to make better choices for his people had been hijacked by God, then isn't God responsible for sending Adoram to his death by stoning?
3) Is making the new king flee to another city the little cherry of social unrest that the LORD puts atop His newest Dessert of Disaster?
7. I Kings 12:19
19 So Israel has been in rebellion against the house of David to this day.
Questions
1) Hah! This is hilarious isn't it? How many times up to this point in the Bible has the LORD said that He would never forsake His people, would love them, would provide for them, and would sustain them?
2) Do you think it is possible that when the LORD said He would never forsake, would love, would provide, and would sustain that He really meant that He would never stop harassing His own people, loves to cause great pain upon His people, would be more than happy to provide oodles of misfortune upon misfortune to those He supposedly loves, and would sustain His effort to really fuck people up until they get the friggin clue that this God is not worth the rice paper His scripture is written on?
8. I Kings 12:20
20 And when all Israel heard that Jeroboam had returned, they sent and called him to the assembly and made him king over all Israel. There was none that followed the house of David but the tribe of Judah only.
Questions
1) And I suppose this is where the groundwork is laid for the proof of the New Testament story that the Jews rebuffed, refused to accept Jesus as the messiah?
2) Sooo...if the Jews rebuffed Jesus as the Messiah, and if it was because of this bullshit that Rehoboam pulled, and if GOD was the one who made Rehoboam behave in such a goddamn stupid manner toward his people...uhmmm, isn't GOD the reason He was refused by His own people when He morphed into Jesus to save all of mankind from that bugaboo of sin?
9. I Kings 12:21
21 When Rehoboam came to Jerusalem, he assembled all the house of Judah and the tribe of Benjamin, 180,000 chosen warriors, to fight against the house of Israel, to restore the kingdom to Rehoboam the son of Solomon.
Questions
1) Well, what have we here but fighting within the people who are supposed to be God's people? And why are they fighting? And WHO is making them fight? And WHY is He making them fight?
2) Does God have a pathological need for attention of ANY type? Does God need this attention all the time and everywhere?
3) If God has a sicko need to always be the center of attention is this why so many religions and denominations have fought so terribly throughout the history of man?
4) Is man's constant fighting and bickering over whose God is the true God NOT an argument or problem born of man, but one conceived by God and purposely placed within man? Why would God do this? Would a LOVING God do this to His own people?
5) If God holds that the little children should suffer unto Him, does He count the children of Israel as fitting into such a category and thus make them all suffer?
6) Who does God love more? The people of Israel or His pathological need for attention at all costs...including the cost of losing life?
10. I Kings 12:24, 26
24 ‘Thus says the LORD, You shall not go up or fight against your relatives the people of Israel. Every man return to his home, for this thing is from me.’” So they listened to the word of the LORD and went home again, according to the word of the LORD.
26 And Jeroboam said in his heart, “Now the kingdom will turn back to the house of David.
27 If this people go up to offer sacrifices in the temple of the LORD at Jerusalem, then the heart of this people will turn again to their lord, to Rehoboam king of Judah, and they will kill me and return to Rehoboam king of Judah.”
28 So the king took counsel and made two calves of gold. And he said to the people, “You have gone up to Jerusalem long enough. Behold your gods, O Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt.”
Questions
1) What the hell kind of mind games is this bastard God/the LORD playing with these people? Isn't this truly sick? Would you do this to your friends or family? Would you want them to do such a thing to you? If not...why the fuckey-doo believe in a deity that detests and mistreats the very people He is supposed to love?
11. I Kings 12:32
32 And Jeroboam appointed a feast on the fifteenth day of the eighth month like the feast that was in Judah, and he offered sacrifices on the altar. So he did in Bethel, sacrificing to the calves that he made. And he placed in Bethel the priests of the high places that he had made.
Questions
1) Uh-oh. The LORD isn't getting all of the attention and He is gonna get pissed, right?
2) Do you think that when the LORD gets pissed off at the people that He even bothers to remember that they did not even behave in this ridiculous manner until the LORD made them do it?
3) Is the manipulative character of the LORD/God a very good indicator of the depth of His insanity, insatiable desire for blood, and the lose-lose situation of those He has labeled as His people?
12. I Kings 13:2
2 And the man cried against the altar by the word of the LORD and said, “O altar, altar, thus says the LORD: ‘Behold, a son shall be born to the house of David, Josiah by name, and he shall sacrifice on you the priests of the high places who make offerings on you, and human bones shall be burned on you.’”
Questions
1) Sooo...not only is this pathological deity controlling everyone in the worst ways with His mighty powers, but He even tells the people of the terrible things He is going to do to them? Does this strike you as absurdly smug?
2) Sooo...was it not enough that God almost let Abraham sacrifice Isaac, and now God actually wants blood, actually wants the human sacrifice to go through?
3) Isn't life sacred no matter who you are or where you are from? Why isn't life sacred to God? Is God allowed to treat life anyway He wants since it is supposedly Him Who created all life to begin with?
http://shoon4774-thegreatestlieevertold.blogspot.com/2013/10/how-does-god-win.html
http://toleratingaggressivereligioushumor.blogspot.com/
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=ester+lighthorse
http://www.zazzle.com/smartytwoshoes
http://www.zazzle.com/biblical_myth_periodic_table_of_elements_posters-228084324809883766
